You come and knock on the door of some amazing people.
You take them in the night,
in hospital rooms and in every possible way imagined.
I never liked you.
You have taken so many people I love.
And you take them forever and ever.
You don’t take them for a little while and then bring them back.
You take them.
When my husband died you gave me three and a half years to get used to the idea.
You called it a ‘cancer diagnosis.’
But how can we ever get used to knowing that one day there will be one last breath and no more.
He was here one moment and gone the next.
One breath here.
Another in another world.
And then insanity comes for a visit,
Life. Love. Meaning. The Universe. God.
We ask why.
We wonder what’s the point.
And we wonder alone as nobody really wants to talk about death.
Nobody talks about mortality.
Death you are so unpopular.
Death you are the only certainty but still so invisible.
As if you will never come and visit.
As if you don’t exist.
As if you were never here.
But you have always been here and will always be here.
But listen for a minute…as I have something to tell you that can never ever change.
I will always love life more than you.
I might come to the edge and wave from a far but know that I am not there because of you but because life is so much sweeter closer to the end.
You will never be forgiven for taking the ones I loved.
I know in a perfect world you wish I could but this world is not perfect and I will not be ok with loss no matter how many miracles it can bring with it.
And one more last thing.
You are as necessary as birth is to the living.
We cannot live without knowing you are coming.
With so much life,
PS. Second Firsts climbed back up to the Amazon and Barnes and Noble bestseller lists yesterday. Very grateful for all the life this book is spreading.