Firsts
We often associate firsts with our children growing up such as first smile, first time sitting up, first words, those anticipated first steps, first day of school, but when you have lost a loved one, you associate firsts differently. Getting through the first holidays, birthdays, anniversary, etc. The first year after my husband passed away, I was faced with lots of firsts, one right…
2 Comments7 Minutes
I Believe
I believe in love. I believe that love enriches and empowers and creates and morphs mere humans into magnificent beings. I believe that life dares us and bids us, at our best and our worst, to open our hearts to love. I believe that life challenges us, through strife and perplexity and awkwardness, to continue loving in the face of all that it throws at us. I believe that life entreats us…
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7 Rules for Loving a Grieving Heart
Loss is a universal experience. Grief is a response to loss. Thus, grief is a universal experience. Every single person, at some time, in some way, will grieve. They will experience the roaring ravages of love and loss, the gaping hole torn in the center of the only life they’ve ever known, and the void that now stands in its wake. And yet, despite an incidence of 100%, our cultural grief support…
2 Comments12 Minutes
Pieces
My world hangs in mid-air. Things are scattered on the ceiling, on the floor. Nothing is where it used to be. I cannot find anything. Where is that thing that was once my life? Where did it go? My old life and my new life melt together like chocolate in a bowl. They crash into one another and it makes no sense. Happy memories of a beautiful marriage smash my heart into bits. Stockings and…
5 Comments10 Minutes
The Letter “W”
The letter W – it’s number 23 in the alphabet list. When you hear the letter W mentioned, you might think of Wendy’s Hamburgers. (Maybe that’s just me; I really like to eat). There’s also Willy Wonka, Wonder Woman, Woody Woodpecker, and so many other fun and uplifting things that start with the letter W. However, what I’m writing about, sadly, is not any of those things. I truly wish I was…
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Threesome
Six years after my beloved husband’s sudden death, I finally found love again. I am deeply, madly, passionately, in love. It is wonderful. It is terrifying. It is crazy weird. Being in love with two men. I'm not into bigamy. I'm not even into threesomes. But really, truly …. that’s what this is. A threesome. But not the kinky kind. Not the sex kind that you're thinking of. It's a new kind of…
4 Comments10 Minutes
The Heart of a God Lives inside of You
Your heart breaks. Again. Even though you didn’t know it could. It didn’t break in a new place but on top of the old break. A break on top of a crack. Which can no longer be contained. Your heart breaks into billions of pieces. Scattered everywhere. The pieces are small, tiny. Never to be back together again. When a heartbreak happens inside a heart that has not had time to heal from the…
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Look for Your Future Person
Lately, I have been talking a lot about love. I don’t normally. Not because there is anything wrong with loving again after loss but I deeply believe that Life Reentry®™ after loss has to do with our whole self reemerging and not just finding one person to love. So, I often stay away from writing about it. But even though that is the main principle I live my life by I also believe that loving…
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The Sun Will Always Rise in the End
The waves are crashing at the shore. The sun is setting like a pro. But my life is not at all what I thought. It took me by surprise. The depths were one of a kind. It drew me in and spit me out. And I couldn’t come around. But we are not here to see the sun set. And walk by the waves. But to crash with them as they crash And to rise like the sun. The crashing and the rising is what we…
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Do What Will Get You Through This Holiday Season
There is no positive way to look at the holidays after loss. I really tried. I know this is not your typical self-help talk. I can give you all the positive words and ask you to do your best, but you and I know it won’t work. You know the work we do here is about realistic expectations and real help. This is not a movie where everyone ends up with someone to love during the holidays. Sometimes it…
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