Mourning Dew

Expanding essence, settling spirit, vibrating vitality –a trilogy of wellness. Even with these truths aboard, sadness sometimes seeps to the surface, quietly gathers for acknowledgment. For it is also true, real, and right. Like morning dew on leaves and grasses, stale sorrows bead and adhere until a being notices, allows them to vaporize or entwine with restoration and revival. Mourning dew,…

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My Evening With A Wolf Spider

You know when your life changes forever, at least for me, the only thing I could think about was, “what am I going to do without my husband?” I couldn’t think much further than that. I was in a type of shock that I had never experienced before. I felt like I was in an endless fog that would never lift. When it hit me how much there was to take care of, it was absolutely overwhelming. Of course I…

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My Wednesdays Are Better Now

Wednesdays became my least favorite day 11 years ago today. This is the first year, May 9th fell on a Wednesday. I hated that day. It was the day that Joe left me and the world stopped turning. Your life changes so much when you lose a spouse. Yes, everyone grieves his loss but my entire life changed that day. I had to grieve losing him but also me. No longer a wife, a widow. No longer a partner,…

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Suck the Marrow

Which is worse, to lose someone you love to a long term illness or to lose someone you love unexpectedly?   This morning I woke up to the news that a local five year old little girl, Avery, had passed away from a tumor in her brain on Mother's Day.  I had been following this family on social media for the last several months. This morning the message read, “Avery went to be with Jesus at 5:15pm…

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We’re Doing Okay, Right?

I am working on a book that weaves together posts from the blog I wrote throughout his illness, with observations on how we dealt with life after his death from both my perspective and that of my oldest son. This is something I wrote describing an actual conversation I had with my son around 6 months after Andrew died. “Hey Mom, can I ask you something?” I had been looking all over the house for…

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I am the Messenger

I am a 37 year old mother of two young boys. A year and a half ago, I lost the love of my life, suddenly. Without warning, without control, without permission. My whole world changed in an instant. After crossing the finish line, hand-in-hand, of my first half marathon, my husband suffered from a massive heart attack at the age of 36. The devastation this caused was, and still is, indescribable.…

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Your Own Hero

I sat in a circle of women, hoping to grow from this grieving place. This was one of the many classes I’ve taken to gather wisdom while trying to make sense of the heartache, loss and grief.  I listened with such great intensity to all the instructors words.  You see, I was eager to find some relief and grow from this painful place.  I needed a hero, someone to come and save me from this chaotic,…

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Close to Death

Have you ever thought about your mortality? I don’t mean the normal “I’m going to die someday.” Everyone thinks about that from time to time. I mean actually sit down and process that you may not be here in 5 minutes. 5 days. 5 weeks. 5 months. 5 years. And because of that realization, you try and focus on what’s important in life. The things people think about, complain about, worry about and…

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Advice For New Grievers

It sucks that I know so much about grief, but I figured my knowledge may come in handy for those who just lost someone for the first time ever. I still remember life before a loss, so I know how frightening and lonely those early days, weeks, months and years are. So this is some advice I’d like to pass on to new grievers, you can take what you want this is just stuff I would’ve wanted to know…

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We often associate firsts with our children growing up such as first smile, first time sitting up, first words, those anticipated first steps, first day of school, but when you have lost a loved one, you associate firsts differently.   Getting through the first holidays, birthdays, anniversary, etc. The first year after my husband passed away, I was faced with lots of firsts, one right…

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2 Comments7 Minutes