Mother Nature’s Icy Castles

When Mother Nature knocks on your door, you get down on your knees and pray.  You pray for your family, your self, your neighbors, the people around you. You lose all safety, in an instant.  You lose the ground you have been on.  The physical world around you becomes a threat, an enemy and you pray for Mother Nature to stop the storms, the ice, the cold and to cradle you like she did before.…

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Am I Living The Right Life?

What would it take to live the life of your choosing.  Not of your dreams, even.  But of your choice.  And then, when you dare make a different choice, do you wonder if you made the right one? What if the new choice is a choice you can’t take back.  Something you can’t un-choose.   I ask myself, am I living the right life? Did I make the right choices for myself.  For who I am.  For the things I…

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Growing Older

Today is Eric’s 50th birthday.  My second husband’s birthday.  This morning I woke up grateful for him being alive.  Breathing. Moving. Being here to celebrate his 50th year.  For those who don’t know my story my first husband died when he was 35.  Eric’s first wife also died at 35.  For us, getting to 50 is such a blessing.  We celebrate aging.  We scream it from the rooftops.  I am going to…

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Three Seconds of Courage

Birds are brave.  Not because they fly too high, but because they fly too close.  Too close to our homes and us.  In the last few days I have had so many birds get close to my windows.  They fly, they stay for a few seconds and then they fly away.  I realized that this is how courage may look like for birds.  They step close to the edge for a few seconds and then return to comfort, which for…

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Don’t Label How You Feel With Basic Words

Lately, it feels like every day introduces us to a new intense feeling, doesn't it? One of the reasons why everything feels more intense than what intensity normally feels like, is because we are experiencing feelings we haven’t felt before.  There is a spectrum of emotions inside sadness.  And a spectrum of emotions inside joy.  We have thousands of variables when it comes to human feelings.…

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The Big Rock Between Us

We are so alone. Aren’t we? Inside the chaos, the uncertainty. The longing.  We find ourselves in a crowd of strangers. Especially now. Right in the midst of much friction.  Alternate realities within that same relationship, of mothers and fathers.  Sisters and brothers. Husbands and wives.  Friends for decades before, under so many moons, find themselves in conflict of one another.  Losing each…

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Sitting With You

I have to be honest.  It is a hard day to write.  I am sitting here looking for the words and the events of the last couple of days are interfering with my thoughts.  So, just like always, I am telling you what’s here, what wants to be written.  The chaos of our country feels like a robbery inside my mind.  When this letter started to come through yesterday morning, before the events of January…

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The Small But Life Changing Gifts of 2021

I know this last year felt like a rollercoaster that kept dropping you.  With no bottom. An indefinite drop.  Your head couldn’t catch up.  Your mind couldn’t process it.  And your heart kept trying to mend itself, inside a thousand breaks.  No mending possible. No chance at a breather.  Today the calendar says it's a New Year.  But you are still experiencing that same rollercoaster drop.  You…

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My Own Story of 2020

“We tell ourselves stories in order to live” my favorite author Joan Didion often reminds me. As I am putting words on paper for the final letter of 2020 I am thinking about the story I want to tell.  And what a better day to tell it, on December 25th.  It matches the non-traditional clothes of grief.  The rebellious acts of life after it.  We often think about religion as traditional.  But I…

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Dating The Holiday Season Once Again

It is ok if some things that are meant to be easy, feel hard to do.  Don’t compare yourself to others.   If something feels hard, it is hard.  Someone else’s experience with it, can’t change yours.  This goes for everything.  Including grief.  Including Christmas.  The Holiday Season makes some people happy and others sad.  Hearing Christmas Carols can make one man weep and another cheer.  It all…

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