The Field Amidst The Two Houses: A Short Story

And then there is this knowing that affairs, even the love kind, are not blameless. They foil with the future the way God quickens  our destiny without caution, just like the rain dawns in the midst of a summer’s day dampening the exposed ground. At the cottage down the hill a wasted senile man is sitting,  hair uncombed, its oil brims out, his eyes lingering between  closed and open. But go back…

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I Would Remember

When all is said and done I would remember the snow outside the doctor’s office.  The unknowingness in my children’s lives.  The struggle to be inside a new chapter after. I would remember the stars.  The lake.  Loneliness on the deck.  The decade that was born from the grief.  My dogs. The girls growing and finding out how much they lost.  I would remember the pale colors that surrounded me.…

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You Can Call Me Georgia

Something magical happens when you stop caring about what others think of you.  You start to taste a level of freedom that questions all of your past decisions.  It changes your interactions with people.  Your conversations with your boss.  Your friends.  The whole ecosystem around you.  The other day, I met someone ‘important.’  Semi famous. He was so used to people being excited around him.…

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The Life After Loss Kidnapper

She resides inside new love.  She makes her home within a new memory.  She keeps you up at night after a first date.  And she whispers words of utter destruction.  Especially after laughter.  After fun.  Her name is guilt.  And she ain’t going anywhere anytime soon.  Or so she thinks.  Her hands have hooks inside your ear drums.  When music starts to play, she turns the volume down.  When life…

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The Long Way Home

It has taken me over 13 years to feel a longer lasting sense of happiness.  You might want to yell out but Christina, that’s too long of a journey.  And I will say that is the good side of life after loss.  Not many of us ever make it back to a happy life.  You see, after a traumatic loss when we feel happiness again, it comes in short bursts.  You may have a minute of feeling good. And then back…

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I Wish Time Never Ran Out

I wish I could play music.  Sing like an Opera singer.  Write as if I have lived many lives.  I wish doors opened for me. I wish I was lucky. And much younger when I got my act together.  Smarter.  Good at math.  And I could live long enough to see earth from space.  I wish time never ran out.  Not for me, not for anyone.  I wish I could time travel to the past and experience some of my favorite…

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Without Roller Skates

Life is prickly.  That is where all the stories we tell ourselves come from.  The prickly things.  We tell ourselves so many things after we feel pain.  I caught myself doing that, last night.  It was about someone who wasn’t getting pricked as much as me.   And I noticed my inner story start.  “Some people have it easy.  They don’t work as hard as you and they get ahead, regardless.”  The story…

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You Find Yourself Standing In Front Of A Crossroad

After a loss, you find yourself standing in front of a crossroad. You can’t decide whether to go left or right.  It feels like your feet can’t move.  You second guess yourself.  You ask everyone who is walking by which way they think you should go.  Some, tell you go left.  Others tell you go right.  And some tell you to stay put.  Wait.  Maybe make a decision a year from now.  Or even two.  Just…

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When Nobody Was Watching

The most heartbreaking moments of our lives happen when nobody is watching.  Nobody sees us, then.  These moments are parts of the larger heartbreak.  The whispers of the loud pain.  The experiences we have because of a bigger tragedy.  I want to take you to one of mine.  So then you can take others inside one of yours.  It took place the first few weeks after my husband died.  Late at night just…

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Once Upon A Time, A Day Came That Took Everything From You

Once upon a time, a day came that took everything from you.  And you crumbled at the nothingness.  You stepped inside of it looking to find something to hold on to.  But there was nothing.  Nothing to even put your knees on, so you could kneel and pray.  You searched where you thought the floor should be, but even that was taken from you.  You did the only thing you knew how to do, you closed…

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