The Blades

I often think about kneeling on the ground to pray. I don’t do it. But I have the feeling of it. It’s hard to be strong all the time. Knowing that nobody can help you. People who are strong, are strong endlessly. I have never met someone who was strong for a few days and then wasn’t. Have you? Once you are strong, you are strong forever. How does strength feel?  It hurts like hell. (Click…

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The Permanence of NEVER

I wasn’t a writer before he died. But grief turned out to be the great word maker. A great obliterator. It shook me to get these words out. When grief found me inconsolable it gave me a pen and said write your way out, console yourself. Get yourself beyond the insanity. (Click to tweet!) But I didn’t write anything the first 4 years. I had a diary, and wrote some of these words there. But…

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Life After Loss Spins You Around Like a Tornado

I was having dinner with a good friend the other night and I was sharing a few more thoughts that I usually share and it hit me. It just literally hit me over the head. I had stopped sharing my personal thoughts and feelings with others. I was used to sharing the superficial self. After the dinner I was trying to figure out when did that start happening? And why. It has been happening for…

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Honestly, Life After Loss Feels Like Boot Camp

You can be with as many people as possible but the you inside of you, is alone. You experience everything as one. Every emotion is not felt through you as a group or as a family. Even if everyone feels the same grief or fear, it is not felt together. The emotion doesn’t get shared. The load can only be carried by you. The grief can only be processed by your heart. It is you that has to get…

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The Ladybird On Your Hand

I was on the train last night going in to the city to celebrate my friend’s new book, and the ride felt unnaturally long. It was as if we were traveling thousands of miles. I have been on that train many times. The 30 minutes go by so fast normally, but not last night. It was almost as if I had stepped outside of my life. Outside of everything. The struggle. The hurry. The pursuit of…

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We Walked on the Edge

It’s like the side of your foot doesn’t have anywhere to rest on. You can’t stand still when you are on there. There is no space to. It is as if you can lose it all. It is the all or nothing arena. You feel like throwing up just before you step on it. Sleep is unachievable. And that foot never gets to have a whole area under it. I am talking about what it feels like to step on the edge.…

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What If I Can

My mind today is everywhere. Its raising. It’s quiet. Then its loud. Then it’s scared. It’s scared. A lot. So many of you travelled to be here with me for our Life Reentry weekend. And I want to give you the moon. The stars. The whole galaxy. Everything. Everything I am. And I will. My mind will try to tell me “what if you can’t Christina.” But I know I don’t need to be scared. You…

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I Hid So Well, I Didn’t Know I Was Hiding

I hide inside moments. I literally hide there. I am so afraid of change. Whenever something new is on its way to me, I hide inside time. Do you know why I created the Life Reentry® work? Because I needed it to get myself out of all the hiding I was doing. I am the master hider. The master waiting room resident. It’s not even that I am stuck but I like to hide from life, from big things,…

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What Is Your Big Decision After Loss?

There is so much loss in making big decisions. Most of them include saying goodbye to something you have done for a long time. An experience your brain is used to having. A way of life you have known. An expression of self. Making a big decision requires you to feel loss. And this is why we keep postponing them. We try to avoid more pain. Change is full of grief, did you know? One of the…

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The Good and the Bad of Life After Loss

After walking next to so many of you living life after loss, I witnessed some tough truths. Here is what I learned from you and from my own journey. You will feel lonely even when you are with others. You will question your values, beliefs and all the things your parents taught you. You will be angry longer than you will be sad. The simple routine task of taking the trash out will break your…

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