You Find Yourself Standing In Front Of A Crossroad

After a loss, you find yourself standing in front of a crossroad. You can’t decide whether to go left or right.  It feels like your feet can’t move.  You second guess yourself.  You ask everyone who is walking by which way they think you should go.  Some, tell you go left.  Others tell you go right.  And some tell you to stay put.  Wait.  Maybe make a decision a year from now.  Or even two.  Just…

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When Nobody Was Watching

The most heartbreaking moments of our lives happen when nobody is watching.  Nobody sees us, then.  These moments are parts of the larger heartbreak.  The whispers of the loud pain.  The experiences we have because of a bigger tragedy.  I want to take you to one of mine.  So then you can take others inside one of yours.  It took place the first few weeks after my husband died.  Late at night just…

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Once Upon A Time, A Day Came That Took Everything From You

Once upon a time, a day came that took everything from you.  And you crumbled at the nothingness.  You stepped inside of it looking to find something to hold on to.  But there was nothing.  Nothing to even put your knees on, so you could kneel and pray.  You searched where you thought the floor should be, but even that was taken from you.  You did the only thing you knew how to do, you closed…

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This Is Not About A Friday Night Drink With A Complete Stranger

I haven’t written much about dating after loss.  Not because I don’t have a lot to say, but because my conversation with you has always been deeper.  More about the complexity of our thoughts and our new identities.  But maybe, we can have a deep conversation about dating also.  And maybe, it’s necessary that dating after loss be a deeper experience than it is. No wonder dating apps don’t align…

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All The Things That Were Meant To Be

I have a very specific vision of myself. Quietly residing inside my mind.  Comparing itself with the current reality I live in, every day.  It narrates all day long. And it keeps pointing me in her direction.  It used to sound like a broken record.  I would ignore it, until recently.  I realized it was my destiny.  You know what I mean.  The voice inside of you that tells you, it’s meant to be…

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You Can Escape Every Prison

I wish we could all run away.  Free. From everything.  When I think of that, I imagine valleys with green grass.  Sun shining.  And us, running.  With our arms extended out our sides.  Like we did when we were kids.  When we tasted the freedom we can’t remember.  But our souls have never forgotten.  This is how we know when we find ourselves inside a prison.  Our young DNA had tasted open spaces.…

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On Vacation In The UK

I am in the UK on vacation with my family so there won’t be a letter today but just a short message to say have a great week and be good to yourself. And...I will leave you with a short excerpt of my latest book Where Did You Go?  Just in case it hasn’t found its way to you yet. “I wrote this book to find the truth about death. Instead, I found the meaning of life. In my pursuit of finding what…

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Grief’s Gravity

The more awakened you are, the more lonely you feel.  And since grief awakens us, it becomes a lonely experience by default.  The key is to continue to wake up regardless of the isolation you feel.  Regardless of the radical self you are becoming.  Yes, radical.  New and different from the usual.  When one awakens, one becomes anew.  Being awakened is not necessarily better.  Grief bridges you…

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The 13 Year Journey To Blue Waters

I love people more now than I did before he died.  I love people with nothing.  People who lost everything.  This Sunday it will be Bjarne’s 13 year death anniversary.  I have spent the last 13 years trying to love myself again.  It was harder than expected.  At first I had to start loving others who also lost a lot.  I had to start with loving you.  Compassion for you allowed me to have…

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I Am The Girl Who Was Always Behind

I look for signs of my destiny in my childhood sometimes.  I can’t find any.  Not even a small tiny memory that could indicate the future.  “You must have always been a writer,” people say to me.   And the answer is always, no.  Not only was I not a writer, I didn’t even learn to write and speak English until I was a young adult.  The chances of me getting published were close to zero.  I grew up…

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