Writing from the Roller Coaster

Maybe I will stay inside the ups and downs. The highs and lows. After all, the roller coaster makes you a good writer. Did you know? It makes you brave. It makes your hair look crazy too. :) Your heart beats as if there are two hearts inside of you. You don’t have time for any kind of small talk. And you hold on tight. No drama. Just lots of back and forth between low and high. Between…

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Don’t Get on the Anniversary Train

I have been writing to you for many years and I have never written about what to do with the anniversaries of loss. A wonderful woman reached out to me yesterday and asked me if I would write about this. So here it goes. Anniversaries of loss feel like a big train approaching the platform. Heavy, noisy. Old. Loud. And you can hear it coming for a while. You know it’s arriving at a specific time,…

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You are NOT late to the Party

I moved from Greece to England when I was 18 years old. My english was ok but certainly not fluent in writing or speaking. And I was attempting to get into college. It took me three years to pass the exams and get language fluency. And because of that everyone else in my classes, in my dorms and in my everyday college experience were 3 years younger than me. I used to hide my age. When…

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What if they can hear you?

What if you can talk to your child. Your husband. Your wife. Your father. Your mother. Your friend, even after their passing. What if that’s what we are supposed to do. What if they want us to do that. What if they can hear us. What if they can talk to us? But not unless we are willing to believe that it is possible. You see they want us to talk to them. Visit with them. Our world is…

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One Day You Will Be Asked To Fly

I was taken aback. Stopped in my tracks. I was about to climb again just like I normally do every day. And that’s when I saw it. The summit. The top of my mountain. I froze. I sat there. There was no hill to climb. Just sky. I didn’t know what to do with the sky. What was I to do? When I crawled in 2006, it took me a long time to get up. When I got up it took me a long time to walk.…

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Losing My Dog Tyson

He was with me every second of the day. He was my shadow for exactly 8 years. He followed me around everywhere. Even when I would go to the bathroom he would just wait outside the door. He would place himself at the center of the living room to see which way I would be heading to next. And he would just look me in the eyes, trying to guess what I would do. Of course I was his second love,…

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HOPE

It comes in like a lullaby. Quiet at first but so melodical that you recognize it. It calms you down and it gets you through another day. It almost feels like it is coming from really far away, from a different place. Outside of earth. I am talking about Hope. The most precious feeling especially for those of us who have been struck by loss. For every person who feels the burden of grief.……

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Goodbye Survivor, I Have Work To Do

I first met her after my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. Her first words were... you should have been the one dying. It would have been easier. Then she went on to tell me that I would not be able to raise my kids without him, that he was the smart one. He was the strong one. He was the one with a job. He was the one who could do it all. It should have been me with the…

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Loving Again After Loss

Someone asked me the other day on Facebook about my husband, the man I married after my loss. She wasn’t the first one to ask. Many people over the years have asked about him. I mention him in the Second Firsts book a little bit. But over the course of the 8 years I have been writing to you, I hardly ever talk about him. I met him during my second year post loss at the local children’s…

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One Single Thought

I have so many things to tell you today. I wish I could just drop in at your home. Have coffee and chat. Tell you that you will be ok. Tell you that life is hard but it is also very good. Tell you that we will lose so much but with every loss we will find our way again to a new beginning. To a new understanding of what it means to be alive. And what does it mean to be alive? It means to…

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