Go Back To The Battleground To Save Your Life

I had a mammogram scheduled this week, and I wasn’t just dreading it.  I was petrified of it.  And this was not the only time I felt terror for a simple test.  I spent months coughing over the summer and I avoided every X ray I was offered.  You see, when you spend years as a caregiver seeing death, destruction and lives completely changed through disease you are terrified of a simple diagnostic…

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A Melody And Not A Jingle

It’s the smell of food being made.  The lights on the decorated trees.  All, reminders of a life. That is no longer ours.  The ghost life.  On days such as today, we get thrown into a life that no longer exists for us,  but we are forced to see it on others.  People who have not experienced tragedy can’t possibly know that when they invite us to their beautifully decorated homes with the 5 course…

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Will You Come And Sit With Me?

It’s heavy in there, isn’t it?  It is as if you are carrying a whole arena.  One, no one can see.  No witness to it.  Even you, you are blinded to your own hurt.  The heaviness, steals the words you wish you could utter.  There is something about the weight of it, that can mask your voice.  When we have not named our pain it feels less real.  The less real it is, the heavier it feels. The less…

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Catch Me If You Can

I was trying to explain how I feel to someone new in my life. She seemed lost. I could see it in her eyes, she just stared at me in silence.  She was struggling. Trying to understand me.  Attempting to respond with the right words.  She was failing, for me and for her.  And it hit me.  People like you and I live in many worlds.  We live in this life, in our old life, in a life we wish we could…

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The Field Amidst The Two Houses: A Short Story

And then there is this knowing that affairs, even the love kind, are not blameless. They foil with the future the way God quickens our destiny without caution, just like the rain dawns in the midst of a summer’s day dampening the exposed ground. At the cottage down the hill a wasted senile man is sitting, hair uncombed, its oil brims out, his eyes lingering between closed and open. But go back…

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I Would Remember

When all is said and done I would remember the snow outside the doctor’s office.  The unknowingness in my children’s lives.  The struggle to be inside a new chapter after. I would remember the stars.  The lake.  Loneliness on the deck.  The decade that was born from the grief.  My dogs. The girls growing and finding out how much they lost.  I would remember the pale colors that surrounded me.…

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You Can Call Me Georgia

Something magical happens when you stop caring about what others think of you.  You start to taste a level of freedom that questions all of your past decisions.  It changes your interactions with people.  Your conversations with your boss.  Your friends.  The whole ecosystem around you.  The other day, I met someone ‘important.’  Semi famous. He was so used to people being excited around him.…

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The Life After Loss Kidnapper

She resides inside new love.  She makes her home within a new memory.  She keeps you up at night after a first date.  And she whispers words of utter destruction.  Especially after laughter.  After fun.  Her name is guilt.  And she ain’t going anywhere anytime soon.  Or so she thinks.  Her hands have hooks inside your ear drums.  When music starts to play, she turns the volume down.  When life…

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The Long Way Home

It has taken me over 13 years to feel a longer lasting sense of happiness.  You might want to yell out but Christina, that’s too long of a journey.  And I will say that is the good side of life after loss.  Not many of us ever make it back to a happy life.  You see, after a traumatic loss when we feel happiness again, it comes in short bursts.  You may have a minute of feeling good. And then back…

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I Wish Time Never Ran Out

I wish I could play music.  Sing like an Opera singer.  Write as if I have lived many lives.  I wish doors opened for me. I wish I was lucky. And much younger when I got my act together.  Smarter.  Good at math.  And I could live long enough to see earth from space.  I wish time never ran out.  Not for me, not for anyone.  I wish I could time travel to the past and experience some of my favorite…

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3 Comments2 Minutes