Dear Anxiety Let’s Talk About You

It happens in your whole beingness, deep down and within every layer of your body. It pulls from inside out, and your whole world around you spins like a maze feels, when you step into it. Your life becomes fearful. Out of control. Unlikable. This feeling overrides any goodness that comes your way. It becomes the primary experience because it is a physical manifestation of your emotions. Everyone…

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Do What Will Get You Through This Holiday Season

There is no positive way to look at the holidays after loss. I really tried. I know this is not your typical self-help talk. I can give you all the positive words and ask you to do your best, but you and I know it won’t work. You know the work we do here is about realistic expectations and real help. This is not a movie where everyone ends up with someone to love during the holidays. Sometimes it…

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0 Comments6 Minutes


A few days ago in a conversation someone said something to me that was not very nice. Then I sat back and witnessed my response to that comment. I felt compassion for this person, as she could not see or hear herself and how she was showing up. I knew this comment was untrue and therefore it did not hurt me. I stood still and listened, and then planned to find a way to turn the conversation…

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Grieving Inside the Waiting Room vs Outside

What is the difference between grieving inside the Waiting Room vs outside? Someone in my Life Starters community asked me this question this week. So, I thought this is an answer I want all of you to have. There is an element of daring life again when we go and cry on top of a mountain. There is a roar that takes place within us when we scream under the stars. The roar gets silenced when we hide…

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I Want to Be Like Normal People Again

Maybe I was always like this. I can’t remember. Maybe I never really tried to be fashionable, or beautiful. Maybe it was before the loss that I was like this. But I think however it was, it got much worse after and it never went back to how it was. I am talking about the simple ability to buy nice clothes, seek fashion, cute shoes and spending time on our physical appearance. Unless I have to go…

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Don’t Sleep on It

If you have read my book or took one of my classes you have heard about how I named our fear center in our brain The survivor self. For those of you who haven’t heard of this before, The survivor self is the part of us that keeps us in the waiting room. In the place between two lives. The life we left behind and the life we have yet to live. The second firsts life. The survivor self tries really…

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You Are Enough Without the Bending

I always believed that I was someone who tells it like it is. I have been called a tough cookie more times than I can count. I am the person people come to if they want to know the truth. So, when I discovered that I have been bending over backwards in my life I was very surprised. I was shocked to be honest with you. Completely and utterly shocked. But when I looked further in I saw it…

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There Are Many Frontiers After Loss

Life after loss is a work of art. It takes decades of creating. It roars behind the clouds and screams at night in our souls. It is the most powerful human experience. And it always lives outside time and space. It is that strong. It can shift the human experience and take it outside of all the illusions. But because of its strength we need to be ready for when we get stuck, inside the waiting…

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4 Comments4 Minutes

Let Go of the ‘Good Enough’ Things

Today, we will talk about letting go. Letting go of all the good enough things we carry. We picked up these things because we had to after loss. Countless of them. At first, we carry them because we can and because they are not too heavy to carry. Good things. Ok things. Not so bad things. After a while we get used to carrying them. We go about our life with all these good enough things. Over…

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2 Comments4 Minutes

The Half Step…

There will always be setbacks, especially in the beginning. When I say beginning, I mean the first 2 to 3 years after loss. Sorry I didn’t say six months or one year. That is not even the beginning, that is the aftermath. So, in the first few two years it will feel as if you are not moving forward. You will be taking at least two steps back and maybe a half step forward. But that half step is…

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1 Comment4 Minutes