The 10 Things I Wish I Knew About The Holidays After Loss

I started this letter at a time when nobody was writing about grief, or even about grief and the Holidays. And those who were, were not discussing the elephant in the room. The loneliness. The deep sadness of the Holidays. You see, happy seasons, are the saddest seasons for people who are grieving. Even the sun shining brightly in the winter, can feel like loss. Even bells ringing. Carols.…

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Leaves

As temperatures drop, fierce winds strip limbs bare revealing vulnerability, dimension and honesty. Geese overhead parade the sky with their horn section playing that familiar tune of change. Their echoes - soon distant - resonate melancholy across the barren sky. This passing gets me. Please stay longer. I can’t be the only one haunted by loss? Leaning into the echo, I adjust the lens of my…

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Living Again

There are certain words you hear or read that describe extreme emotions - things best represented on the movie screen, in novels or in some other grandiose interpretations of life, intentionally exaggerated for entertainment value or to coax a response from those in the audience.  These are words like despair, agony and hopelessness.  I was lucky for much of my life.  These were just words.…

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Loss While Pregnant

This is not a topic that most people want to read about or talk about.  However, something that is so important to address. While not a club that anyone wants an invitation to, it is truly of utmost importance to have people surrounding you in your worst possible time. Let me start at the beginning. When my husband and I got married, we wanted to wait a few years to have children. When we…

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Loving Again After Loss

Someone asked me the other day on Facebook about my husband, the man I married after my loss. She wasn’t the first one to ask. Many people over the years have asked about him. I mention him in the Second Firsts book a little bit. But over the course of the 8 years I have been writing to you, I hardly ever talk about him. I met him during my second year post loss at the local children’s…

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Who Am I Now?

When I dropped off my daughter to college last week, it was as if my whole world was demolishing. All the buildings that made my life, were falling apart. I could even hear the buildings falling. The rubble. When your life is changing there is an audio of the universe moving things around. The maneuvering stops time. Or it feels like it does because our lives are about to take a turn. My…

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The Room Walker

You are one tiny thought away from a completely different life. (Click Here to Tweet!) But we live inside a room with no windows. A room that keeps us thinking this is the only room. There are Infinite rooms. I didn’t really understand this fully until the last couple of years. You see, all of us are capable of occupying many rooms. Some of us can live in many different ones at the same…

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Do Whatever it Takes to Get Through This

“Do whatever you have to, to get through the pain after I am gone.” my husband said to me a few months before he died. “Whatever it takes.” he said. “It doesn’t matter what it is you have to do, if it makes you feel better then do it.” I didn’t always follow his advice but it did help me feel less guilt when my choices after loss were not perfect. When we lose someone we love, it hurts like…

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The Monkey Bars

It’s not a dance. Or a musical piece. And it’s not a walk on the beach. It’s a bruise. A gasp. A torture. I am talking about life. Not even after loss, just life. I think the first time I realized life was hard was when this girl at my middle school grabbed me from the monkey bars and threw me on the ground. Nobody rushed over to help me up. Nobody told off the girl. Everyone kind of…

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When Grief Derails You

Definition of Derail by Merriam-Webster Define derail: to cause to run off the rails; to obstruct the progress of: frustrate; to upset the stability or composure of — Define Derail at Dictionary.com To cause (a train, streetcar, etc.) to run off the rails of a track. 2. to cause to fail or become deflected from a purpose; reduce or delay the chances for success or development of: Most of us…

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