I know I keep trying to convince you to start taking action towards the life you want to have. 

And not wait for the life to come to you. 

I give you hope. 

I ask you to value yourself.

I promise you that you can be happy again.

I tell you that you can fall in love again.

I tell you that you are loved. 

Wanted. And desired by the world. 

But it does not matter what I tell you. 

You desire to hear these things from the people in your life. 

From the ones you want love from. 

You think they hold the key to your happiness. 

If only….he came back. 

If only my boss could see the work that I do. 

If only my mom believed in me more. 

If only I was better looking. 

If only I had what she has.

If only I was lucky like my friends. 

If only I had money. 

Oh…if only you believed in you. 

If only you could see your own beauty and your self worth. 

If only you gave to yourself what you expect from others. 

You see, a long time ago…I used to say “if only” all the time. 

If only my husband was not dying he would be more loving in his last days. 

If only my thirties did not have cancer and death I would be further ahead in life. 

If only I was not a single mom, life would be easier. 

I stopped wishing and started doing exactly 4 years ago. 

And let me tell you, life gave me everything I wanted and then some. 

I stopped wanting a different life and I got the life I wanted. 

I want you to want your life however difficult it is. 

However tough it has been. 

Go to it and ACT your way out of it. 

Don’t wish it away. 

Because no matter how much wishing you do every day, your life has nowhere else to be but with you. 

So talk to your life. 

Tell her how beautiful she is. 

Give her new experiences, new words and new thoughts. 


And she will be transformed forever, with YOU INSIDE. 

Tell me something beautiful about your life here

With so much goodness, love and beauty,


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Christina Rasmussen is an author, speaker and social entrepreneur who believes that grief is an evolutionary experience required for launching a life of adventure and creative accomplishment.

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  • lena says:

    I am breaking at this moment as I read your post….you could’ve written it for me it is so in sync with what I am feeling….if only….if only I had known at 20 what I know today…if only I were younger, prettier, loved more by the one i love, if only I had loved myself more….if only I could walk away from what hurts…..if only….
    thank you….you write so beautifully

  • Jane says:

    Your words are so beautiful here, Christina. The truth as only someone who’s been there can fully understand. We think it’s all about what happens to us, all about our circumstances, but when we finally see what a beautiful power lies within us when we finally embrace that little girl inside us who knows no limits, we discover someone we never knew we could be! Thank you for inspiring all of us in so many unique ways, regardless of what brings us here together.

  • Barbara says:

    As usual, my friend, you hit the nail on the head. I am spending today in the waiting room… wanting my old life back. He would have turned 50 today and so many of our friends are sending thoughts and wishes from all over the country, they still miss him too. I bounce back and forth from who I was to who I want and need to become. I am grateful for my children, my relationship with Christ, my talents as a jewelry artist and writer, for you and all the new friends I am making in this new life. So even though I look back today and think “if only” I also look ahead and think “what if”. Much love, Barbara

  • Terri says:

    A beautiful message filled with so much heart and soul. I have had many “what if, why, could of should of” moments this week, as I finally closed the door to my “waiting room.” I moved the last few pieces of furniture out yesterday, and walked back in several times and just looked around. I asked myself, “Terri, where were you these last few years, why was it so comfortable here, and why did you stay here so long?” Many times I would question as to whether I was making progress with moving forward in my life. My questioned was answered when I walked out for the last time and shut the door. My first thought was “I do not like this room, and do not want to be here anymore.” At that moment, I realized that I had made progress! My life and heart are being transformed! This may seem like such a small thing to some, who do not understand tremendous “grief and loss,” and the paralyzing effect it can have. But to me, this was a very large step, and a very, very beautiful thing!! Christina’s program has been an integral part in my healing. I am forever grateful. Friends, as hard and difficult as it may seem, you are worthy of a beautiful life, and the many steps it might take to get you their after loss. The world needs you! Love to everyone, Terri.

    • Deanna says:

      It will be seven years December 10th that I lost my husband to suicide…If only I knew he was in so much pain…If only I was home to save him. We were married 30 years, how could I not know? He was a wonderful husband and a beautiful soul… I must still be in the waiting room, meaning, when I think about moving on ( Yes I acted, got two degrees,hiked the Grand Canyon Rim to Rim with my amazing boyfriend, went back to work.) there is a feeling of extreme fear…taking the next step. What if I get hurt again? If only I didn’t blame myself…

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