A Bolt from the Blue: Give Yourself Permission

Today was one of those chilly overcast January days with audible rain outside. I had initially planned to spend this day indoors, tackling paperwork. But after a very cold, wet walk with my dog, it seemed like a much better idea to warm up with a hot drink inside a steamy, convivial coffee shop. My soul just wanted to be among people, even if they were all strangers. I decided to bring a book…

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4 Comments7 Minutes

Hello, how are you?

That simple, seemingly innocuous, greeting makes me cringe on the inside. I want to be authentic and be real with people. Yet, when I am asked "How are you?" I am put in a very awkward social situation. I hurriedly go through scenarios in my mind to try and figure out how to genuinely answer the question. Does this person want to really know how I am? Some people asking the question genuinely…

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0 Comments6 Minutes

What is Your Launchpad…to Creating Life After Loss?

Can we live well after loss? Walking alongside T through his cancer treatment and finally his death was the most deeply devastating, heart shattering and painful experience of my life and the boys.  And, it was the most precious, meaningful, experience as well.  Life was simple in the sense that nothing else mattered but time with him.  Moments of simply being.  Soaking up each touch, breathe and…

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1 Comment12 Minutes

Put Your Oxygen Mask Back On

When you lose someone close you to, it can often feel like someone has physically stolen your ability to breathe, eat, sleep -- to go on. Grief comes in many forms, but the universal effect is that a piece of you is missing. Something has changed and getting back on your feet often just doesn’t seem possible. At least, this is exactly how I’ve felt when I’ve lost someone close to me. Perhaps…

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0 Comments11 Minutes

A Sense of Awe and Wonder

I had an amazing experience last week. I was packing my vehicle, for the return leg of my solo road trip from Canada to Arizona, where I had been visiting my Aunt. “You must see the Grand Canyon on your way home,” she said. “It’s only a few hours north from here.” North. I was planning to head west, to take the most efficient route home. I had such a long journey ahead of me. Additional days for…

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12 Comments7 Minutes

When Sugar Calls You, Don’t Answer the Phone.

This Message in a bottle is for you if over the last few years you have gained weight and no matter what you do you can’t release it. It has surrounded you like a protective layer that keeps you inside the waiting room. If this speaks to you keep reading but forgive me for this week’s letter. Weight loss is my weak spot. It was always difficult but after loss it became almost impossible to…

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4 Comments10 Minutes

The 10 Things I Wish My Doctor Told Me After Loss

At first, I could not eat any food. I could not even smell it. I felt nauseous and my body had almost shut down digestion. No appetite. No remembering to eat. I dropped down to 116 pounds and I didn’t realize it. I looked in the mirror and I didn’t recognize myself. My body did not want to live anymore and it was making it clear to me. As time went by, I slowly started to eat again. But…

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4 Comments7 Minutes

Self Care After Devastating Loss

Something catastrophic happens to our ability to care for ourselves when we go through a devastating loss. We disown our body. We detach from it. We only feel and see our heads and our heart. The physical body is forgotten. We don’t shower, dress nicely, eat well, go to the doctors, move, rest. We don’t care about it. We drag it through life as if it is not important. And I am guilty as charged.…

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5 Comments10 Minutes

Water, Electricity, Some Food in Your Fridge and a Good Shower

There will be many mistakes in your life after loss if you live it fully. You will make the wrong turns. You will absolutely say the wrong things. Date the wrong people. At least once or twice. Spent money you shouldn’t have spent. Buy the wrong house. Go for the wrong job. Make mistakes as a parent. Many of them. Your house is more messy than ever. Your kitchen is a disaster. It’s ok, the…

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0 Comments3 Minutes

The Walk

What if you wake up a little earlier in the morning to go for a short walk, just until the summer is over. Before the kids wake up. Before your work day begins. Before anyone needs something from you. What if you put on your running shoes, your jogging pants and walk out the door. A cup of coffee or tea at hand on your way to breathe the air, take life in. Looking for the sun, hearing the birds…

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0 Comments1 Minutes