My Evening With A Wolf Spider

You know when your life changes forever, at least for me, the only thing I could think about was, “what am I going to do without my husband?” I couldn’t think much further than that. I was in a type of shock that I had never experienced before. I felt like I was in an endless fog that would never lift. When it hit me how much there was to take care of, it was absolutely overwhelming. Of course I…

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Suck the Marrow

Which is worse, to lose someone you love to a long term illness or to lose someone you love unexpectedly?   This morning I woke up to the news that a local five year old little girl, Avery, had passed away from a tumor in her brain on Mother's Day.  I had been following this family on social media for the last several months. This morning the message read, “Avery went to be with Jesus at 5:15pm…

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Your Own Hero

I sat in a circle of women, hoping to grow from this grieving place. This was one of the many classes I’ve taken to gather wisdom while trying to make sense of the heartache, loss and grief.  I listened with such great intensity to all the instructors words.  You see, I was eager to find some relief and grow from this painful place.  I needed a hero, someone to come and save me from this chaotic,…

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Advice For New Grievers

It sucks that I know so much about grief, but I figured my knowledge may come in handy for those who just lost someone for the first time ever. I still remember life before a loss, so I know how frightening and lonely those early days, weeks, months and years are. So this is some advice I’d like to pass on to new grievers, you can take what you want this is just stuff I would’ve wanted to know…

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We often associate firsts with our children growing up such as first smile, first time sitting up, first words, those anticipated first steps, first day of school, but when you have lost a loved one, you associate firsts differently.   Getting through the first holidays, birthdays, anniversary, etc. The first year after my husband passed away, I was faced with lots of firsts, one right…

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I Believe

I believe in love. I believe that love enriches and empowers and creates and morphs mere humans into magnificent beings. I believe that life dares us and bids us, at our best and our worst, to open our hearts to love. I believe that life challenges us, through strife and perplexity and awkwardness, to continue loving in the face of all that it throws at us. I believe that life entreats us…

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I’d Rather Have a Margarita

A couple of weeks ago, one of the leaders in my support group was giving out handouts for that week’s chapter. As I was reading them, I came to a part that made me cringe and want to cry out “this sentence is grammatically incorrect.” I refrained, as that would have been very inappropriate. However, each time I looked at it, the urge to let them know there was an error was ever-present. I don’t…

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7 Rules for Loving a Grieving Heart

Loss is a universal experience. Grief is a response to loss. Thus, grief is a universal experience. Every single person, at some time, in some way, will grieve. They will experience the roaring ravages of love and loss, the gaping hole torn in the center of the only life they’ve ever known, and the void that now stands in its wake. And yet, despite an incidence of 100%, our cultural grief support…

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My Invisible Child

Dear Stranger, We haven't met yet. I'm not sure when that day will come. We may be standing next to each other in the shopping queue or you may be on the next table over from us in a restaurant. Maybe you'll be the person sat next to me on a plane as we both travel to somewhere exotic for our family vacations. Maybe we'll meet this week. Or maybe it will be in years to come. And depending on when…

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Life, Call Me By Your Name

Oh life. You give. You take. You teach. You scold. You love. You are harder than easier. Tougher than gentler. Stranger than logical. Routine is just an illusion isn’t it? There is no normal. No certain. No guarantees. Just gruesome harshness in between extraordinary beauty. Dreams amongst nightmares. Day and night. Love and loss. I know you know. You have always known. And you are here…

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