Why do we try to be liked by people who don’t like us?
Have you ever tried to be liked by someone who obviously has no interest in you? 
You keep talking to them. 
Trying to sound interesting. 
But it does not matter. 
They keep ignoring you. 
They keep trying to minimize your accomplishments and your worth. 
But you do not stop trying. 
Maybe, next time. 
Maybe when you do this or that, they will then know that you are worth their time and their love. 
Crazy right?
But you see these people give us just enough attention to keep us waiting.
They will say a couple of words to us so we keep hoping for more. 
They will smile at us in a hurry on their way to talk to someone else. 
They will acknowledge us enough to stick around. 
It could be your boss. 
Your colleague. 
A peer you want to impress. 
Your spouse. 
Your friend. 
But the truth is you can never be good enough for this person’s full attention. 
Especially if you carry a broken heart you are so much more vulnerable. 
You will hold on to whatever you can so you are not completely invisible. 
So here is what we are going to do this week. 

Last weekend I was at an event and came across a person who I know. 
I stopped and talked to her. 
She was listening to me but she was completely detached. 
You know when someone is pretending to listen but they are not really listening? 
So I stopped mid sentence and I said to her, and I am quoting:
“What do you call the ability to listen to someone talking to you but be completely detached from what they are telling you?” 
She said: “What do you mean?”
I said: “You are listening to me but you are really not. 
You are so good at that. Take good care…” and I walked away. 
Let me tell you. That felt so good. And I certainly got her listening then. 
Your task for this week is to call someone out. 
Not in a confrontational way but in a “I see what you are doing” way. 
There is no point in trying to get through to someone when the person you are trying to engage has placed a transparent wall in front of them. 
Remove the wall by calling them out. 
You will feel good about yourself as you have just shown respect to the one person that you are here for. 
Who are you going to call out this week? 

With love

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Christina Rasmussen is an author, speaker and social entrepreneur who believes that grief is an evolutionary experience required for launching a life of adventure and creative accomplishment.

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  • kara says:

    Ive been on that not fully listened to end more often than not while I think I’m usually the really good listener. I feel not listened to a lot while feeling like I’m always doing the listening. However, Ive taught myself to give those non-listeners a break because I’ve made myself aware of what’s going on for me when I’m not able to be a good listener. There’s been times I’ve been in so much pain from chronic pain, it’s very very tough to listen almost impossible to concentrate and I often don’t want to be talked to. There’s other times I have too many things on my mind, or am in the middle of another thought, or have to be somewhere. There’s so many variables to people not listening, I think even though it’s hurtful if I put myself in their shoes maybe they have something going on I’m not aware of. They best thing to ask would be, “Is everything ok, I sense your mind is on other things, or I sense your not totally listening?” It’s interesting Im fairly new to my job and wanted everyone to like me. A co-worker who seems cold and not totally listening was honest enough to say, “you try to hard to make everyone like you”. I really appreciated that feedback. I finally realized not everyone may like me and accept that because when I think about it, I don’t really like everybody either. Another cold shouldered person I found out they have cancer and are in pain. I try to ger past the cold walls of people and sometimes find out they are really nice. Otherwise I try to be respectful and realize its ok to not all like each other.

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