I have taught myself to listen to my inner voice really carefully.
It has incredible wisdom about my destiny and my present happiness.
In the last two years, my voice has started asking for something I never thought I wanted.
A simple life.
Even just writing these words makes my chest expand.
My voice has been asking for less things.
Less recognition. Less relationships. More writing. More stillness.
More making things with my hands. So I have been listening.
I have also been listening to the truth that the only way to live life after loss is with simplicity.
I think I am finally arriving at a place where I find the connection between death and life. And it is not what I thought it would be.
Sometimes I wonder whether I am arriving at the end of my life as I am seeking less success, and more simplicity. I am becoming less driven but more creative.
The years after my loss were so hard on me.
I had to step so much outside of my old life to survive.
And my old life was much simpler than the one I built to survive my tragedies.
Even though I am not looking to go back to my life after loss, I am looking to spend the next ten years creating peace, solitude and presence around what it means to be alive.
After seeing someone you love die your perception of life and living changes forever. And it keeps changing. It keeps morphing into something you never expected.
So today, I want to tap into the voice that is never heard.
The voice that knows your truth.
In my inner circle at the Life Starters community we call it The Watcher.
The part of you that has been there all along.
The part of you that knows what you need and want, without the influences of the world around you.
This part of you knows you better than your family and friends.
Better than anyone. Some call it gut, wisdom or God. I call it the watcher.
Our one and only witness who knows everything about us.
This part of us gets shut down after loss.
We do not know what we want, or why we want what we want anymore.
We listen to other people’s opinions.
We forget that we have this inner wisdom walking around with us. If you want to find out who you are becoming after your loss please read below:
Find the voice that lives inside of you after loss
If you are in the beginning of your life after loss you will have to consciously listen in and ask for your own advice. I am going to ask you to do this when you are driving in the car, as I know how busy you are, and how standing still is not a part of your life right now. So when you are driving in your car, listen. Ask for your own advice and wait for the voice to be heard. Trust me there is going to be a response coming from you. If you don’t hear it at first keep asking. It will come.
How are you different now?
Ask yourself how did the loss of the person you loved impact your view of the world. There is change that is happening within you right now and you can’t hear it because the outside world is so loud. The outside world is trying so hard to fit you back into the life you had before and it is not going to work out. So while you are in the car ask yourself this question and see what you get. How do you see the world around you now?
Don’t be afraid of the answer. Let it all come out.
Shutting down your inner change will cause you a lot of problems in the future. So let’s hear your opinions about life, family, the future, dreams and your new perspective. If you have a good friend to share this with then take the conversation out of the car and bring it into your life. Start speaking up about what’s changing within you.
Dance to your new song at the traffic lights.
The only reason why people get stuck in the waiting room is because they don’t know who they are and because of that the outside world becomes more scary. The less self aware we are the more we will close ourselves in.
So while you are driving your kids to school, or you are driving yourself to work, find a song on your playlist or your radio that reflects your new persona. And play it loudly. Maybe even dance on your seat. I do that a lot.
The simpler the life you get to live after loss the more fortunate you become. Choosing a new song for yourself might be simple and silly but I will choose that any day of the week.
Two days before my husband died he whispered to my ear ‘I should have worked less. I should have stopped earlier.” That was his one regret. His only regret. You see he worked all the way to the end. He went from going to work to the ICU where he died ten days later. That moment keeps playing in my head. His words have finally caught up with me ten years later. And I am listening. I hope you are too. If there is one thing to take from this letter today it’s to make your own way in your life after loss by listening to that quiet voice that is changing as we speak.