Two nights ago I had a dream, a very peculiar dream.
I dreamed of my husband who passed nearly 10 years ago.
In the dream I knew he was there, but I could not see him. We were walking together.
He told me these words “We have been together in both the physical and the non-physical world.” and the dream ended. I woke up.
I wanted to write this letter to you today and I think he would want me to as well.
There is a non-physical world around us and beyond this physical life.
When he passed away, apart from religion-based faith and some basic knowledge around the unseen world, there was nothing that could comfort me.
There was a relentless feeling in my chest, ready to eat me alive.
There were so many moments without breath, without air.
It was like an ocean inside of me, ready to come out with such force that it could have taken my heart with it.
This single dimension of loss that society around me offered after his passing was brutal. Whether it was religion describing it or my friends and family… there was a cruel finality.
It was a reality far away from knowing. True knowing of infinity.
But you see there is this place, this place beyond the friends and family, beyond religion and beyond the reality we are raised to believe in.
This place is beyond the edge of all that we have been told.
Beyond the edge of religion.
Beyond the edge of death.
Beyond what we have been told to believe.
We can get there.
We can get to it every single day.
What if I told you that wherever you are right now there are so many things around you that you can’t see?
There are so many dimensions, energies, thoughts and a field that is completely invisible to our human eyes.
So much of our world is unseen and we find it really hard to believe in something that we cannot prove. But what if we learned how to see the unseen? Prove the unseen to ourselves?
What if I told you that there is an interaction between the physical and the non-physical world every single moment of the day? Would you be open to considering it?
I have a request.
Tonight when the sun goes down and the stars go up, go outside.
Sit on your comfortable chair and look up. Look at the vastness of the sky.
Now focus on one part of the sky, a cluster of stars and find a way to connect your inner world with them. Your inner world is also invisible. Just like the people we lost.
Your mind is invisible. Your thoughts are invisible. Your soul is invisible.
But they are the most certain aspects of you.
Now take your invisible beingness and connect with the sky.
And yes, you will want to close your eyes.
Imagine a thread, a field, a connection between your inner unseen world all the way to the cluster of stars you are looking at.
Connect yourself with them. Feel the connection.
You are a part of the world that hovers on top of you every single night.
Now take that thread and connect it to the unseen and invisible soul of your person.
Your husband, your wife, your child, your parent, your friend anyone you have lost… connect them to you. Feel the tag.
Feel the physical world connecting with the non-physical.
Remember that you can connect with the non physical world anytime you want to. You are a part of it.
I hope tonight you go outside and send your thread to the stars and back again.
Your person is there too. And if you find this letter a little strange, it is ok.
The non physical world will always be there waiting for you when you are ready to connect with it. (Click to Tweet!)
PS. Here is where your friends and family can sign up, so they can also receive this letter in their inbox every week.
I met Lane 5 years ago. It turns out we had been passing each other for years. I once got lost in his neighborhood 8 years ago and parked right in front of his house to look at directions. Another time another boyfriend lived just down the street from him. Another time I helped a friend move away out of his neighbor! He photographed a wedding party primping at a salon I worked at but I was off that particular time. So many other instances. Then I had a choice of 2 jobs. 1 was close by and paid well, but I heard negative things about the boss. The other was across town, & paid just enough to cover things, but I chose that job anyways. It was an awful job. But I met Lane and it was like we’d known each other for years.
Because we had.
Many, many life times over.
There was a lot of complicating factors in his life. It was messy and challenging and strange and sometimes stupid and maddening. But to walk away from him felt wrong. Wrong like stealing from a friend and lying about it. Wrong like hurting a child. Wrong like associating with people you know have done wrong things. Actually physically wrong.
And staying together was the most satisfying, exhilarating, growthful, healing, deep down good and right experience I’ve ever had.
We could read each other’s minds. We finished each other’s sentences. We had this deep understanding of one another and we never used words to speak of it. It just was. We just were. Perfectly synchronized, in tune, connected. Though we both had previous significant relationships, neither of us experienced in those what we formed when we met.
8 months after meeting, he started feeling unwell. And it just kept getting worse. Tests, tests, screenings, tests, more tests. Sicker and sicker.
6 months later, he died.
Lane got sick and died.
No answers, no diagnosis, no idea. Pathologists were stumped, doctors were baffled. Suppositions, speculations, ideas, theories. But no answers.
The only thing not broken was my body. Somehow my skin held in my bones and my ligaments held my structure, and my heart mysteriously kept beating. My body was the only thing in one piece.
Breathing with a boulder on my chest. Walking in an ocean of syrup. How did I ever survive?
This winter it will be 4 years since his body gave out.
I live in the country with my wonderful life partner. We farm, and have fires at night and go fishing. I sleep at night, loved and loving. He’s very special to me, this wonderful man. He waited for me patiently. He lets me cry and wipes away my tears. On our fridge, under children’s drawings, & business cards, & grocery lists tacked on, is a small picture of Lane. Often a wedding invitation or an important bill covers him up. But he’s there. On my fridge, in my dreams, in perfectly timed songs on the radio, in brilliant sunsets while I’m on my own in the yard…. I feel him. He’s always there.
So beautifully written Nicole. I’m so sorry for your loss. I related to everything, every emotion you so brilliantly put down here. Thank you for sharing. It’s 11 years in November for me, the loss of my Husband, Vincent. I feel him with me all the time. I talk to him out loud as I’m alone and it’s something I’ve always done. How wonderful you’re found someone to love you so well and you can love back so well. I’m so happy for you. Much love. xxxx
One amazing night, the summer after that awful January, there was this incredible storm that cleared and gave way to the most spectacular, incredible red sky. The neighbors I lived “with” (in their old house next to the new one they moved into) were gone and I had utter, total solitude amd silence to enjoy it in. I’d had some dreams of Lane by that point, of course still very fresh in my grief, and some interesting experiences that couldn’t be explained. … but this night, with my Saskatchewan sky of red covering miles of the deep south in warn glow, I had the single most strongest experience of feeling Lane right there. He was a seasoned professional photographer, & I had just gotten a new Canon Rebel & was adoring the moment and capturing what I could. And he was right there. Left of me and up ahead.
“I love you. I need you. I love you” I kept repeating. And I felt the familiar comfort, deep down to my soul, that I had known when he was alive. It was the most incredible, beautiful memory.
When I am clouded and can’t feel him, I just say, “Hey, God, tell Lane I miss him.”
My photography has improved, & I know he’s helping. He’s shaping my clouds, and he’s lighting my skies, & he’s bringing me to places and spaces I hadn’t noticed before. And one day we’ll reunite.
I go forward every day.
The cost is too high not to love.
“Hey God, introduce Vincente and Lane!” 😉
All my best Rand,
I love you Christina. I so know what you are talking about. I’ll go outside and experience the stars if I can so I can experience that place where the Universe in all it’s magnificence…That I am part of, as all of us are. I feel that connection with my Husband, My Mom and Dad and friends that have passed, special Uncles and Aunts are but that thread connects me to them all. I’m a bit strange. I burn sage to get rid of bad energy and have Angel feathers and all types of stones in my apartment here. It works for me. I love how your heart and soul explain things so tenderly yet brilliantly. I feel you’ve gone into my secret place but it’s not really secret at all. Thanks. Sending You and all ..Much love always and Big Hugs xxxx
I must add one thing.. I know that I’ve been through many, many, many lifetimes with my Vincent. And continue to be with all of those I lost. It’s something we’d talk about often. So again..You made me realize my secret place, this magnificent Universe is where we all are a part of. I usually get there with classical music and meditation.Much love and gratitude xx
The abstract can exist, the real world exists,
When a goat falls of a mountain, no one mourns, life moves on.
Better to accept death on the same terms as we rejoice birth. Both are natural phenomenon.
The timing of this Blessed message is so perfect at this time in my life….I could ditto EVERY feeling you expressed as I feel exactly the same but cannot express it the way you do….Thank you for giving me the words to express my own heart.? I will do what you shared, this very nite. My precious husband has been gone 14yrs 5mos & 6days & my invisible connection just started a little over a month ago & it is almost every night that I can actually feel him laying beside me. I couldn’t understand what was happening until you explained it so eloquently & I thank you & now that I understand it, I will welcome it from now own as a Gift from God that I not only can appreciate but ALSO look forward to……Thank you for sharing God’s wisdom with us?