When your life turns upside down because of loss, where does your mind go next naturally? You would think it would go to the loss.
And yes it does, but when that loss is too painful, it goes somewhere far away.
It goes somewhere where the pain can’t find it.
It searches for a new frontier.
My mind started to travel to space, galaxies, and a place far away from earth.
Where everything is possible and everything is unknown.
And as the years went by I found my mind being open to something much greater.
It was not because I wanted to escape, but because my soul expanded its reach so much after my tragedies.
Grief could not imprison it.
Grief could not hold it down and control its reach.
My mind still has the power to find its way out of the insanity of loss.
As a matter of fact it was the reason for the vast journey I have taken with all of you.
Call me crazy and maybe I am, but today I want to help your mind travel to a bigger world than this one.
To find a place where pain is not seen, felt or known.
To discover a star, a new moon and the infinite possibility of life.
When my husband died, there was a tombstone very close to his of a 17-year-old boy who died in a tragic accident.
His parents wrote something so beautiful on his tombstone.
We will see you again in other lives under many different suns.
I would walk by these words every day and I felt these words were written for me.
I read them every day that first year, and my mind and heart would breathe again for a few moments.
Today, I will ask you to find your loss in your mind and then walk further away from it.
Let your thoughts go to a place you love.
Let it travel to your favorite beach, to a place where you want to go next.
Look at pictures of a far away land.
Take your mind on a journey exploring new places, and find a moment where your mind will be captured in awe.
Yes there is awe after loss.
Yes there is beauty after loss, and our mind can find its way there better than you can imagine.
And if you are like me…tonight walk outside of your house, maybe walk out to your backyard and look up.
Look up at the stars, and imagine all the worlds that are possible out there.
Imagine the unimaginable.
Breathe life into your life.
And know that no matter what has happened, no matter what heartbreaks you have felt, they are here to guide you to the most far away worlds where everything is possible. And if the sky is not where you want to go find a new place you want to visit.
Put it on the calendar and make it happen.
Grief does not have to be the end of the journey. If you ask me, it has always been my beginning. (Click to Tweet!)
Image courtesy of Hap Griffin.
I start reading my 15 hand written notebooks into my Updated Dragon..into my updated Word. At 60 years old, I am finally awake, as like the chameleon I have always been, I will hand in my already bought, manuscript for my first novel before 10/15. . It will be in every bookstore & on the big screen.
There is another novel after that. Set in NYC during the mid 1970-1980’s..there are many themes in this slick, sexy , sex filled, dangerous very marketable novels. It’s Time for me. I Hear it. I feel it. I Know this is what I need to do. I Got this.
I’ve spent 8 years being screamed at, finding out my limitations from my own near death illness just 6 months before my Husband of 22 years passed in NY in 8 weeks. I’ve been beat up, kicked by those closest to me. All to cover one theme that my powerful Siblings, who control my finances, don’t want Anyone to deal with.
It’s time for me to take a step back into life. I feel deep in my soul. this is what GOD wants. This is why I’ve survived so many near death illnesses. I’ve been called a Miracle. Miraculous. So isolated & alone in this College Town. Just 12 of me around. Even with a Brain Injury: My brain & body was deprived of oxygen for being on a ventilator for over 6 weeks.I don’t heal. My memory need cues. I feel an urgency. No one ever told me what was wrong with me. I just got 55 pounds of condensed medical records from Yale/Greenwich Hospital ICU in 10/14. My lungs collapsed. Necrotizing Pnuemonia. I went to Burke Rehab Hosp. at 65 lbs. I called the Director of Burke & he told me to eat like I did at Burke. He spoke with the same excitement as my Agent. The Book Needs To Be Completed. I have been frozen in fear..But no longer.
I am my Own Advocate & I stand in my Truth. I take care of me.
I walk in GOD’s Light everyday. It all comes down to my books. GOD wants these books out there to help so many. To help me. I have 7 years of money left. I somehow lost 2 years since my Mom passed in September 2014. I wasn’t allowed to speak. Too much loss.
I am Alone. I pay for everyone in my life in this weird state in mid-america.
It’s time for me to step out. My girls will do the same on their own timeline. They were loved before conception & every day of their ives. Cancer is in their DNA. I was s very strong Mom. Too Tough maybe. They Know . We haven’t celebrated a Birthday, Holiday, Traditions, vacation in over 10 years. I need to bring them closer to me. I text them every morning & every nite. My oldest in NY I call every day. They know they are loved to their core. That is unconditional. I need to be Financially Free & OK.
All my energy needs to go to me..I pay for OT help. I pay for everyone. Most are mediocre. My FB Persona is for my Books. My Editor told me to keep my FB & Pinterest Boards Full. She told me to start a blog but I have no idea how to do that .
I got this..I start Sunday. I am grateful to have been loved so well.To Know what love means. Time to crate a new world for myself. In regard to the toxic Family .. I just want to walk away. There is so much loss. But I am Warrior Strong. And God reminds me that everything hurts me..But in strength I turn the page..Thank You Christina.
Happy Memorial Day Everyone! xx