Do What Will Get You Through This Holiday Season

There is no positive way to look at the holidays after loss. I really tried. I know this is not your typical self-help talk. I can give you all the positive words and ask you to do your best, but you and I know it won’t work. You know the work we do here is about realistic expectations and real help. This is not a movie where everyone ends up with someone to love during the holidays. Sometimes it…

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A Little Bit of Cursing After Loss

This letter might shock you just a little. I am going to be using a curse word and want to warn you. Every week I share with you my own life experiences and use them to write this letter. Well, here’s what happened the last few days. All of a sudden I started using the F word in my conversations. And it is important for you to know that I don’t swear. Like I never do. I am one of those people who…

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3 Comments5 Minutes

The Half Step…

There will always be setbacks, especially in the beginning. When I say beginning, I mean the first 2 to 3 years after loss. Sorry I didn’t say six months or one year. That is not even the beginning, that is the aftermath. So, in the first few two years it will feel as if you are not moving forward. You will be taking at least two steps back and maybe a half step forward. But that half step is…

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The Things I Wish I Could Have Told Myself After He Died

When I look back at myself and remember my fears after my loss, I wish I could go back in time and tell myself a few things. You see, something happens to us after loss, and we have very little visibility of our true thoughts. And little to no visibility of our dreams and desires. The real ones anyway. I had great visibility of my fears. My fears woke me up, and put me to bed every single day for…

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13 Comments6 Minutes

Respect Your Sunrises and Sunsets

What are we really all so afraid of? I don’t know anymore. And I am not talking about monsters, wild animals, or even grief. I am talking about the voice in our head that keeps us inside a concrete box every day. Without adventures. Without risks. Without even our real selves. Without new experiences. We keep hypnotically repeating what we did the day before. And this includes me as well. I fall…

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Get Out of Your House

I wish I personally knew you. I wish we could take our dogs for a walk together. I wish I was there when your loss took place and listened to you until you had nothing more to say. Until all the invisible and visible losses were seen and validated. Until you felt strong enough to exit The Waiting room and start a new life for yourself. Until you laughed out loud a few times in a row. Until you…

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You Don’t Need to Do It All on Your Own

Up until very recently I was proud of my strength. I thought it was my best trait. I believed it was the reason I survived the tragedies of my life. I was strong. And I was proud of it. But…during a recent business trip someone said something that made me stop in my tracks. “Christina, your strength is your achilles heel.” I knew in that moment that this person was right. He was so right. I had…

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2 Comments7 Minutes

The Tough Lessons I Learned After Loss

This week I want to share the very tough lessons I learned along the way. Just a warning, there are no white picket fences included, dreams come true speeches and time heals all wounds beliefs here. White picket fences can be included but not how you thought they would be. Dreams come true but not in the way you think. Time heals something but not much. If you disagree with those that is totally…

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5 Comments10 Minutes

Ten years later…

We are not looking to create a perfect life after loss... but a life we are proud of. We can never ever go back to the innocence we had before our loss. We can never ever get back the people we lost. And it will never be perfect. Today I share with you my imperfect life close to ten years later.   The Waiting Room The first five years were so hard, I was stuck in the waiting room. I had…

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6 Comments7 Minutes

How to Get Your First Paycheck After Loss

I tried to think where to start. He had died not even a couple months before. The girls were 4 and 6 years old. He was the one with the job, the income. The future career. Financial stability. All of it went with him. Before he died I went back to college. He would take care of the girls one night a week while I was going to my classes, so I could be ready to have a ‘good’ job after he died.…

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1 Comment10 Minutes