When I was writing my book I said to myself I am either going to help people come back from the world of sadness or the world will think I am completely crazy.

I knew that my ideas were a little outside of the norm and I knew I was risking a lot when I started sharing them first with my clients, then with groups of people and now with my upcoming new book.

Today I will introduce you to someone who has been living within you for a very long time.

Today I will let you see a part of you that you have not really seen from this vantage point.

This someone is such a big part of you that you don’t even know he is there and rooming with you.

He has found a way to mirror your voice, your thoughts and your subconscious mind so much, that you don’t even know of his existence.

He won’t like this Message in a bottle.

He actually does not like me at all especially when I get him out of his long term hiding place.

So my dear friend let me introduce you to the part of you that I call The Survivor.

The part of you that has kept you safe and protected from new life experiences.

This part of you tells you to be afraid of certain new people, new jobs, new relationships and new ways of thinking.

And no he is not doing this because he does not like you.

He is doing this because he loves you and wants to keep you safe and inside a beautiful fort where you get more and more comfortable with the life you have.

This life does not require you to take new risks or take any chances.


The survivor has made sure to tell you that if you tried to live, laugh and love again you might get hurt big time. So why bother?

Your survivor is very protective of you unlike anyone you have in your life. Today I have a favor to ask you.

And unfortunately it is a big one.

I am going to ask you to send your survivor on vacation.

You need a break from surviving.

You need a break from being protected from the new life you so deserve.

And you need a break from the comfort of your life which allows mediocracy to rule your mind.

Since when having an average life, getting through the day and surviving is good enough?

When did Survivor walk into your life for the first time.

Do you remember when that was?









If you do….try to think of who you were before that day.

This is the part of you, you have forgotten.

This is the part of you Survivor wants you to forget and just live with him.

Do you see now why I am asking you to send him on vacation?

So where will he go?

I have asked this question thousands of times…and most people are sending their Survivor to a tropical island.

You see I understand that you love that part of you so much.

After all he has kept you safe from any future heartbreaks.

But he has also kept you safe from any future success and love.

Are you ready to take a break from him?

If you are… share with me here where you are going to send your survivor and once you do… how does it feel to not hear his thoughts of fear repeating over and over again?

With freedom,


PS. If you want to find out who moves in once your survivor moves out, pre-order my book here and let the fun begin.

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Christina Rasmussen is an author, speaker and social entrepreneur who believes that grief is an evolutionary experience required for launching a life of adventure and creative accomplishment.

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  • I can’t wait to see where your SURVIVOR gets to travel!

  • Donna Zaino says:

    I am sending my survivor to Memorial Sloan Kettering Hospital which is where I first met him. That is where my survivor and I first met, he knew how much I needed him. It was the only way I would get through the next two years. To live in survivor mode…minute my minute, and hour by hour. Trying to be so careful, not to ask for much…just promising my survivor if he got me through this next series of chemo/radiation with my hubby I would do anything. Begging him for another holiday together, another birthday with our two sons. He was good to me in many ways, and now when I look back I wonder “how did I do it”… it was because of him. I am grateful for him, and know that he will be needed by others who will enter that hospital and wonder, “how am I going to do this”. Thank you for everything but as hard as it is we must say goodbye. Life will be taking your place..he should be here any moment now.

    • Donna what a beautiful response. I am so happy to hear you are sending him back. I met mine at Dana Farber. I am sending you so much love!!

      • Donna Zaino says:

        Thank You Christina!! You have not idea how much reading your website has helped me these past six months. Your words have helped me let go of so many things and open my heart to life without my husband. Look forward to meeting you when you come to New York. God Bless all you do!

        • Donna your words mean a lot. I keep writing and doing all that I do for these emails and posts so I know that I help in some way. Donna there will be a New York Party and we will have details soon. Nov 9th.

    • grace apres johnson says:

      Wow…Donna …so perfectly and beautifully said. It all makes perfect sense…and unfortunately, I totally understand and feel the same. I thank you for sharing. Prayers for your healing peace.

  • Monique Zawadzke says:

    I have tried to drop off the survivor in Michigan several times. I am still searching for future success and love. I will have it again I know. It’s just hiding from me right now.

  • Monisha says:

    I’m sending my survivor to the Moon…

  • Cooper says:

    I am sending my survivor first to visit where I was born. To that crib I was in where I first learned that no one would be there to comfort me when I cried, or hold me with love and care. Then I will send my survivor to some place far away, some place nice and quiet and safe so that they will know the world is not all a big terrifying place. I am sending my survivor back to that night I had dinner with my abuser, before I knew what his truth was, when I was able to laugh and smile. So that my survivor will see that I was once whole and full of life’s energy and that, while I am not strong now, I can be again.

  • Peggy says:

    Dear Christina,
    I first met my survivor in 2009 when my ex husband tried to kill me. The children and I ran out in the middle of the night and never looked back. My survivor took a two year break when I got together with my high school sweet heart. The one who got away helped me get through the paperwork to divorce my abuser and six months later he asked me to marry him. My children loved him as if he was their father and he loved them as if they were his. This is a testimony of the man he was. It was a week before our one year anniversary when he had severe back pain so bad he missed work one day. The following Monday he allowed me to take him to the emergency room. There we found out he had a severe low blood platelet count and they had him stay in the hospital for two days. The final day he was sent home with two medicines and a promise to see two specialists. He never made it to either appointment. He ended up dying on our kitchen floor early on Thurs June 27th, three days before our one year anniversary. That is when my survivor returned and has been with me ever since.
    I plan on putting Mr. Survivor in the bottle tonight three months after “Mellow’s” death. I am sending Survivor to Iceland where he can stay in the bottle never to be seen again.

    Thanks, I think I am ready. I started a new job last week and the kids have begun to see their bio daddy again. I am taking some crazy blindfolded leap off a ledge too high for me to even know how high. Promise me I won’t crash and burn please. I cannot take anymore sorrow.

    • Peggy I am so so so very sorry for your loss. What a beautiful story. You won’t crash and burn I promise you. Just listen to your gut and make sure your survivor is not telling you lies. Life is waiting for you to be lived again!

  • Melinda Willis Wagner says:

    My survivor has no name..seems to be planted harder than ever before. He came in the beginning after the first abuser and there were many more. Then into my marriage, 22 yrs. of more abuse of every kind. He stood with me, through the divorce, I thought we were finally done. Then the loss of one of my children, my precious boy, only 17. He was my best friend, my confidant, my daily strength.. and all at once I felt “my survivor” dig in. It’s been almost four years..I’m a shell of any person I remember, yet I do still have dreams. Small as they are..I do have hopes. My survivor? I would send him as far away as I could. To be loved and nurtured as he should be..we’ve been through so much.

  • Hussem says:

    Dear Christina
    this is the first day that i see your messages and sorry not to reply, but i honestly would like to read your book but i can’t though why??? because i’m living in a country where i can’t pay for the book, i don’t have any Paypal card or any other card,, also i can’t recieve they even will not be able to reach me,, i’m living in algeria by the way and i guess it’s too far, but if you could send me even lines from the book i will be more than happy,, hey you asked me when was the year that i met my survivor?? well it was on 2005 i was 9 years old (lol) and i was a young kid ,, life wasn’t that kind of big thing to me but there was an accident which let me go through a lot of pain,, you see my heart was broken because my young heart was rejected since 2009, i wasn’t able to go through this and since 2005 i was living this kind of misury and i wasn’t able to do any new achievements well not in my studies or anything else, anywho i just wanted to let you know that i’m a fan of your work even if i haven’t read your book because your messages had wized words and open minded thoughts.
    i’m looking forward recieving from you
    your fan Hussem

  • Alice says:

    I love the idea of sending my survivor away, far away to the top of Mt. Everest! I believe I met my survivor the first time I saw my Dad change, because of the disease that eventually killed him…alcoholism. I had to develop strong survival skills to grow up with an alcoholic parent. I went on to see men who were emotionally unavailable, with the last being abusive. Again, I thought survival skills were the answer, and they were for a while. But I am ready to stop surviving and start living, maybe for the first time in my life. I am divorcing , and moving, with a child to finish raising. This is a little scary, but living in survival mode keeps you numb. It numbs the pain, but also the joy of life. I want more joy, so survivor, I am ready to say good bye…get packing!

  • Brenda Leigh says:

    I am sending my survivor to an Amish dairy farm. She would be bored on an island. Simple pleasures are wasted on her. I’m pretty sure the cows are going to get tired of listening to her talk, but that can’t be helped. I think she’ll have a good vacation. She needs to stay busy, and I need her to stay busy somewhere else!

  • Carolyn Colson says:

    I am sending my survivor to the house I was living in at ages 3 through 4. This is the house where the earliest memories of my life were made. It is my earliest frame of reference for my family’s expectations, attitudes, beliefs, morals, and standards of acceptable conduct were learned. It is where my survivor taught me the best way to get through each waking hour without being rejected, without being the verbal target and occasionally the physical target of adults’ frustration and anger, was to be exceptionally quiet, to not try new things, never ever express my childish feelings, and always be vigilant. It is where my survivor told me some of the adults in my life had unpredictable moods and contradictory actions. My survivor told me being a fly on the wall was my safe place. He also told me, repeatedly, to get accustomed to loneliness because if I am alone, there is no one to reject me again, criticize me for being my childish self, or accuse me of immoral conduct. It is where my survivor told me I am merely an extension of my parents and not an individual. It is where my survivor explained to me I could never be a child. That house was where my survivor taught me the most important rule I must never forget, and which must be my motivation for every thought and action – that love is conditional. I will never have a reason to set foot in that house again.

  • Vicky Mckenzie says:

    I am sending my survivor back to the school where I was 1st being made fun of. Where I left each day to walk home and cry my heart out. He did take care of me for many years. I could only allow myself to have a couple of girlfriends, but never close enough to talk about personal things in my life until we moved to a small town and small school. I was in the 10th grade when I met a girl that was a year behind me but she was the real deal!!! She had gone thru this also and she told me how she delt with it, so I tried the same thing. It worked. I was never called names or made fun of anymore. We have been there for each other now for 43 years. God has truly Blessed me with this friend. She has raised her son on her own and is living in another town about 200 miles from me, but that does not get in the way any more. I would never travel by myself more than 50 miles. Since my husband passed 18 months ago I have gone to see her by myself……we go and do things together, she can find many things to do that are free no matter where we go. My survivor came came back for almost a year but I sent him to The Grand Canyon. I feel more free now than I ever have…so I want to say Thank You for doing what you do for so so many people. God Bless you and sweet dreams!!! When I wake in the AM I will have coffee and talk to God. Then I will pray,and get ready to take my best buddy for a walk at the park how is that for saying goodbye to my survivor? Hugs

  • Jan Ambrose says:

    I’m afraid my survivor has such a strong hold on me. I thought I was so much better but I’ve been lying to myself. I am so scared because I think I am backsliding. Can anyone out there help me? It’s snowing and that was always a special time for me and Bruce. I’m terrified of the winter and the emotions that go with it.. Love jan

  • Debra Taraghi says:

    Hi Christina, I just wanted to let you know that I think you are doing a wonderful job of helping people that have lost there spouses from death. I am sure you are giving them hope for the future, so that they can move on with their lives.
    I have received some good advice from you also. But being divorced from someone after 30 years is a whole different ball game. He was the love of my life and we built a successful business together. If you have children you still have to face the loss when the holidays come around or birthdays. I did not want the divorce and it has been two years since we separated. Losing a spouse through death or divorce is devastating, but also completely different. One has closure in the fact that you will never see them again. and the other is ongoing survivor mode because you will see them again.
    So I am leaving my survivor mode and moving to Florida for awhile. I feel that is the only way to move on with my life. It is going to hard to leave my kids too, but at least they are all adults and have their own lives. I do not have grandchildren yet.
    You have inspired me to think about writing a book about my experiences with divorce.

    Peace at the beach!

  • Julie says:

    This was so hard to read. I cried the whole time. I know what you’ve said is true, but I just don’t know how to do it. “Intoxicated with madness, I’m in love with my sadness”… sometimes I think I’ve gotten so comfortable with aching and grieving and loss, it’s my best part. Who would I be if I actually let go of it? And the risk? It’s just so big and hard and scary. But I will keep reading this over and keep trying. Thank you. xoxo

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