I think being tough and having guts…

…are two different things.

Being tough is…being strong enough to take it.

Being strong enough…. to not collapse, to survive the unthinkable.

Being tough is to be able to keep it together.

But being tough does not automatically mean…I have guts to go for what I deserve.

Having guts has to do with standing up for yourself and asking for what you want.

Making some noise when you are not getting what you deserve.

Taking a leap of faith.

Telling it like it is.

Being true to yourself.

You get the picture.

To be honest… until very recently I thought that being tough was the same as having guts.

When I realized that I was so used to being tough but not necessarily gutsy.

I got mad.

I did.

How did I confuse the two?

How did I not see the difference?


But when you are so used to taking what you have been given and not saying anything about it, it is difficult to switch this habit…

With speaking your mind.

With demanding what you so deserve.

With believing that being nice to yourself is as important to being nice to others.

So I am going to say….being tough is not good for our soul.

Being tough is not good for our joy and worthiness.

Being tough is certainly not good for our second chapters and our second first relationships.

Being tough gives the wrong impression of us.

People start to take advantage of our toughness and they start

giving us heavy things because we can lift them.

Well my dear friend enough heavy lifting.

Enough of toughing it out.

Let’s bring on some guts to the picture.

I know you are tough, but today I need to know you are gutsy.

I need to know you can master your ability to go for what you deserve and be bold enough to ask for it.


Now let’s combine toughness with gutsiness. Ouch. 

Imagine what you can create.

Because of all that you have been through you are tough enough to get rejected when you are gutsy.

You are tough enough to fight for what you deserve when you are gutsy to get in the fight.

You are tough enough to drive with guts every day and finish with love.

You are tough enough to rewire your brain with guts.

Today I am going to ask for a gutsy action.

I am asking the same from myself.

I am not interested in being liked as much as getting what I deserve.

I want to hear about your guts. What will you get back today?



Share this post


Christina Rasmussen is an author, speaker and social entrepreneur who believes that grief is an evolutionary experience required for launching a life of adventure and creative accomplishment.

Inspiration to your inbox every Friday

Subscribe to the Life Changing Second Firsts Letters


  • Lorna Pelta Crooks says:

    This is so refreshing to read..It is quite incredible really ,as i keep finding myself in tandem with Your Messages..Just a week ago after having to put another game face on to keep the peace.The truth is woman alone do get taken advantage of.I know this from being Married then divorce to then marry again & Sadly become a widow at 47 ..I couldn’t think of how to protect myself from these petty hurts & i worried that i may be becoming bitter & that is not me..I have a illness Fibromyalgia , insomnia & now awaiting a operation but still found it hard to look after me…So i have started.I now use guided meditation for sleep.I am Learning how to say no..I am dropping the guilt i feel for the friends that left me . I am also Guilty of self criticism ..Oh & making myself a priority with good nutritious food..So I have started & reading this from You has just Clarified it all nicely. Thank You & Your unwavering Commitment to Your Work..

  • Malissa says:

    You have so hit the nail on the head! So many people go through life thinking or trying to be tough, when they don’t have the guts to back it. They really are two different things. I’ve always been “tough” in that I have been through a lot in my 45 years, but I didn’t always have the guts to stand up for myself. In going through my divorce, I have learned what guts are and I’ve learned how to use mine. I speak my truth, I fight for what I deserve and I stand up for what’s right. I can honestly say, I am now “tough” and “gutsy”. Learning to love myself and know that I am enough was empowering. I think it was at that point when I made the turn toward being “gutsy”. I now live authentically and I’m so proud I do. I’m not interested in being like everyone else or trying to fit in. I’m just me, living this life I’ve been given the most authentic way I can. Getting your messages has been so empowering to me for starting over as a single mom with “guts”. I now believe I have what it takes to be in this big, scary world alone. I am tough and I have guts! Thank you Christina for sharing your experiences with those of us that so needed to know, we are not alone.

  • Cheryl says:

    I asked a guy to send my a birthday card yesterday. I had a tarot card reading recently and it said that need to ask for what I need and want. I need to open the doors because there’s a lot of good karma waiting for me behind them I just need to ask.

  • LINDA LUCAS says:

    Hello friend..I did.. Today I did get gutsy!! My Dr. and his office gave me the run a round for the thousand time in years and I stood up for myself.. What am I suppose to do everyone’s job? I asked. I bring you the papers, I show up for my appts, I don’t complain when you take people who were here after me for a later appt.. But when you misplace MY DISABILITY RETIREMENT PAPERS I WILL NOT KEEP QUIET! I have only a certain amount of time to get the papers in so the other three drs. are doing their jobs BUT I can now be rejected and have to start all over again because you or your staff cannot put a paper back in the right folder I could lose it all!!!I said it all without a tear in my eye(usually when I get angry I do cry and cry a lot) kills the effect of getting angry. Slammed 3 of their doors and then slammed my car door with my cane 6x’s and slammed my car door(which I did apologize because it was not my cars fault) I then did proceed to cry the whole ride home.I am quite sure it didn’t mean a thing to them and they probably will not even look for my papers. I will have to ask for an extension due to their carelessness and pray the Federal Government will grant me one. But for the first time I stood up for myself without the tears! HOORAY FOR ME!!
    Thank you for the courage to do so–a month ago I would have not said a word and would have taken it as a failure and walked away being stepped on by them yet once again!

  • Angela says:

    I joined this group because my grief was tearing me apart….chipping away from the inside. Not over the loss of death even though I have lost most of my family & several friends in the last few years to death. My grief isn’t even over the loss of a 27 year relationship & 23 years of marriage. My grief is from losing my boys in a divorce that went worse than I could have ever dreamed. My boys even though they were in high school & now college were manipulated like pawns. I can handle that I lost my marriage, dogs, car, home, everything I ever owned, family heirlooms, photos … I mean everything … a tornado would have done less damage to my life. I went through hell. I stayed in the town for another year, then in a last ditch effort of survival I moved 2000 miles after simply ( ha, nothing simple about it )….getting on a plane with what I could carry & escaping to a life I could live. People say I am tough for doing that. Tough was staying in a horrible marriage & enduring what I had to to survive. Guts is being brave enough to walk away. Guts is finally fighting for a life worth living & some joy. But it came at the expense of judgment from others, leaving a great job to find a great life. Someday my boys will see what they dad has done….not from me, I want them to see for themselves. In the mean time I grieve every second of every day not having my boys. One I. College one in high school. Both hating me for now. Some days I don’t know if I can draw another breath without them. I was ready to give up. Then I found this group. Then I was reminded I am tough, then even more than that I was reminded I am brave…..I have guts.
    I can do this. But not without the help of this group.
    I was THAT MOM….the one who lived to be a mom, who drove everyone crazy about how I loved & was proud of my kids. Just poof! Gone because of lies & manipulation. Grief now fills my days. Guts get me through.
    Don’t give up.
    We are all braver that we could ever imagine.
    The earth hasn’t swallowed us up….even though some days we wish it would. But that would be easy & this group isn’t about easy. We are about GUTS!
    Hang in there! Thanks for being part of the journey!

Leave a Reply