“You can do the impossible, because you have been through the unthinkable.”
I wrote one day in the midst of writing my book 3 years ago.
I was remembering who I was before the loss, and realizing that I was becoming someone completely different.
I was starting to make decisions, take steps and say things that were absolutely much bolder than ever before.
My thoughts started to change from I am doomed for the rest of my life, to I can do anything because I survived so much tragedy.
Which one was true?
Which thought was the real one?
I had to make a decision around year 4, after he died, that I could do anything.
I could be anyone.
And I could raise my kids to be amazing, strong and vulnerable women regardless of their loss.
I chose life.
I chose to believe that nobody could knock me down. 9 years later nobody has.
That I had the strongest mind, body, heart. However broken I was.
I stood in this space and started creating from there.
I created an understanding of my grief, so I could start rebuilding my life.
I created a depth within me, so I could have space to breathe.
I gave birth to sight, so I could see who I was becoming.
When I started to see the magnitude of my loss, I also started to see the magnitude of my strength and resilience.
I could see that my life would be completely different to what I had imagined.
But I want to make something clear.
My life became more difficult in every sense of the word. I was a single parent raising two kids of my own. But since the day he died I have tried to climb the biggest mountains, not because I had to, but because I wanted to.
I chose to believe I could do the impossible, and I will die trying to do the impossible.
I am no longer just a mother, a woman, a friend, I am this human who has endured pain and sorrow, and chose to go on regardless.
I am a complicated woman, that stands strong on her ground every day and every night, knowing she can wake up tomorrow morning and begin again, no matter what has happened the day before.
I believe this for you.
I believe that you can have, be and do whatever you choose.
Because of your tragedies, your traumas, your loneliness, your longing, your pain. You have the fuel to begin again.
I can see how much you have endured, but I can also see how many new breaths you can take.
How many new words you can use.
And how much more love you can give.
I know your past, but I also know your future.
The future you can have if you chose to believe that you have the mastery to create the life you want.
It took me a year to come back, and do another class because it takes so much energy and work, but I want you to do the impossible. With me.
Along side 110 warriors of life who have gathered in class already.
I hope you join us. (www.secondfirsts.com/coffee-with-christina)
With fierce love,