I discovered loneliness for the first time when my husband was diagnosed with cancer.

That is when he was really taken from me.

The diagnosis removed him from our life in a very invisible way.

He went to a new world where he was not with us. But he was still alive.

The cancer years were very lonely years.

All 4 of them.

Of course I could not blame him….he was dying and he was only 35 years old.

The loneliness became even more expanded and more powerful when he died.



Loneliness was able to slow down time during the night.

The nights were so long and so very lonely.

Then she moved to the weekends.

And the weekends were the most lonely days.

Then she moved into my holidays, Christmas, New Years and of course the beautiful

summer days.

If I was able to put a label on my forehead… it would read “Lonely and sad.”

As the years went by and I left the lonely planet and walked into my second firsts

I discovered a different kind of loneliness.

This one was so much harder to see but oh so powerful.

She was dressed up looking like everyone else.

And you barely noticed that she was in your life.

The more different I became the more she walked towards me.

The more I discovered who I was as a woman the more the loneliness lady

approached me.

I was taken aback that discovering your true nature and identity brought in the

loneliness lady.

What’s up with that?

And as I worked with clients creating their new life they also became lonelier.

I had to stop and ask myself is discovering your true self  also means that you get to be lonely at first?

Does transformation arrive with the loneliness lady?

Wow what a discovery.

But here is what the problem is.

If you are going through a transformation and you feel lonely and sad you actually think that there is something wrong with you or that you are depressed.

You are not necessarily thinking that you are transforming into a butterfly.

You are not thinking that you are exactly where you need to be.

You think that there is something wrong with you and you better fix it soon.

No. No. No.

Don’t fix your loneliness.

Don’t run away from the loneliness that is approaching you.

She is making space for all the goodness in your life while you are stepping into your

true colors.

I had to experience loneliness when my husband was diagnosed.

I had to feel the vastness of the space around me when he died.

And I had to be approached by loneliness when I was jumping off the cliff and leaving my old identity and stepping into this one.

So if you feel the emptiness, the vastness and the loneliness lady is getting closer and closer know that you are transforming into the person you were meant to be.

Keep going. Keep changing. And keep feeling lonely.

Loneliness will walk away when she sees that your life is expanding through your transformation.

Today I get to have so many friends and people in my life that I crave loneliness and solitude back.

I have to go find her and ask her for a visit so I get to expand some more.

So don’t be afraid of loneliness coming towards you…she means good things

are on their way.

With solitude,


PS. REENTER with me…we start Tuesday. www.secondfirsts.com/reentry