Part Human, Part Something Else

“Who would I be if he hadn’t died?” I often ask myself. What would I be doing today if my life was not broken into thousands of pieces 10 years ago? A husband, a couple of kids, living this life with its normal everyday things. What if he hadn’t died? This parallel universe would not have been here. July 21st (yesterday) was the ten year anniversary since his passing. Ten whole years of a…

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7 Comments4 Minutes

The Closet

Crawling inside my small closet sobbing had become a frequent visit. It was the only place in our two level, ranch house in Concord, Mass, where I would not be heard crying by my husband who had cancer and my girls who at the time were using the closet during the day for dress up. The closet was carpeted so the floor felt ok to sit on. I could feel the clothes hanging over my head sitting next to…

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5 Comments4 Minutes

Don’t Ever Let Go of Your One Bold Thriving Thought

I had been sitting inside this small cubicle for a while by then. I remember that day being just like all the others before it. But that cold winter morning there was an additional thought inside my mind. I should have missed it. It lasted for a second. It was quiet. But I caught it. It said: “I can’t believe you are still in this cubicle, doing work you don’t like. Did you forget you are here to…

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0 Comments5 Minutes

“I Have These Days Too Mommy.”

“Mommy, what’s wrong?” “Did something happen today?” My daughter Isabel said as she stepped into the car on our way home from her school. “No honey, I just had a sad day today.” I responded. “I have these days too Mommy. You know when nothing bad happens but you still feel bad.” she said. “Sometimes our heart feels sadness for something that happened a long time ago, or even for no reason.” I…

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0 Comments4 Minutes

Goodbye Survivor, I Have Work to Do.

I first met her after my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. Her first words were... you should have been the one dying. It would have been easier. Then she went on to tell me that I would not be able to raise my kids without him, that he was the smart one. He was the strong one. He was the one with a job. He was the one who could do it all. It should have been me with the cancer.……

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0 Comments4 Minutes

Cancel your errands.

If you could see me I would be waving my arms up in the air. If you could hear my voice, it would be loud. This message today I want you to hear loud and clear. You are afraid of life.  I am afraid of life. We are afraid of life.  We are fearful of being out there. We are terrified of adventures.  We want our day to match our day before. No surprises. No unexpected things happening. Just a good…

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2 Comments4 Minutes

I am here with you, and you are here with me.

“There is no chance,  no destiny,  no fate,  that can hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul.” – Ella Wheeler Wilcox The human spirit is so much stronger than any fate. Any bad luck. Any bad circumstance. The human spirit is made to love unconditionally and passionately. To go forth with resilience. To climb with superhuman capacity. And to overcome. Overcome fate. Overcome…

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5 Comments4 Minutes

You are special. You are special.

You are perfect. So very perfect. You have such beauty inside of you. How do I know? I know because you have been through so much. When I look at myself in the mirror I see the depths that I have travelled the losses that I experienced. I remember falling down on my knees, and staying there for so long.  I remember getting back up and looking as if I had gone to battle the night before, but I was…

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0 Comments4 Minutes

Begin the melting process…

I didn’t know I could fall in love again. After all, my heart was frozen. My body was alive but my brain kept telling my body to shut down. My mind declared a real war with my body and my heart. “Shut down body. Shut down… you in mourning.” My body was so confused. It knew my heart was broken. The body knew that it was experiencing immense pain after the loss of him. You see the body kept…

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12 Comments6 Minutes

Keep the door open

If you were at my house right now you would see chaos, stress. You would feel the overwhelm and the fear. You see I am about to move to California in less than 72 hours. I have been in the Boston area for 10 years. My husband is buried here. In a few hours I will be saying goodbye to my house, to my friends, to the world that supported me during my biggest loss. To the world who cheered my second…

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4 Comments2 Minutes