I don’t know how it comes back, but it does.
It comes knocking on your door.
Even though you can barely notice it at first.
I am talking about the feeling of wanting to live again.
I know you never thought it would come back.
You didn’t believe it could find you.
But it did.
It found you crying in front of the TV.
And it made the movie you were watching, right for what you needed.
It found you taking your dog for a walk, in the evening.
And it made the leaves move a little more as you passed along.
It secretly followed you around for awhile, trying hard not to make you notice as you have been a little afraid of feeling things again.
You have been saying no to things that remind you of what it was like to be happy.
Afraid of breaking that heart of yours again.
But do you know what the feeling of life is made of?
It is made of the thing that made the earth, and all the planets. It is that strong.
And if you let it, it will try to walk by your side instead of behind you.
It will sit on the couch with you and watch a comedy.
It will take you on a bike ride on a Saturday morning.
It will find a way in.
For as long as your heart beats, and your lungs have air in them, the feeling of life will not rest.
But I know what you are thinking.
You are younger than me Christina, you don’t know what it’s like for me.
And yes, oh my dear one, I hear you.
But, the feeling of life doesn’t care about how old you are.
As long as you are here, it is here too.
You just have to notice it.
Can we try?
Just pause for a second right here, right in the middle of the sentence.
Feel. Feel the brokenheartedness. Feel the grief.
Now just move your attention a little bit on the side, right next to grief.
That is where it is.
The feeling of wanting to live again. Laugh again.
It is there like it always has been.
I know you know this. But let me remind you.
That is how life found you.
The you inside doesn’t have an age.
It just is. Timeless. Ageless.
Don’t you forget.
You are in there, hoping, praying that life won’t give up knocking.
Knock, knock. Can you come out and play? Life whispers.
I weaken and perish, I crumble and vanish without you friend. Life says.
Play with me today and I will keep us both strong.
Visit with me and I will gift you a new life.
With new life knocking,