Dear Anxiety Let’s Talk About You

It happens in your whole beingness, deep down and within every layer of your body. It pulls from inside out, and your whole world around you spins like a maze feels, when you step into it. Your life becomes fearful. Out of control. Unlikable. This feeling overrides any goodness that comes your way. It becomes the primary experience because it is a physical manifestation of your emotions. Everyone…

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0 Comments5 Minutes

Let Go of the ‘Good Enough’ Things

Today, we will talk about letting go. Letting go of all the good enough things we carry. We picked up these things because we had to after loss. Countless of them. At first, we carry them because we can and because they are not too heavy to carry. Good things. Ok things. Not so bad things. After a while we get used to carrying them. We go about our life with all these good enough things. Over…

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2 Comments4 Minutes

The Things I Wish I Could Have Told Myself After He Died

When I look back at myself and remember my fears after my loss, I wish I could go back in time and tell myself a few things. You see, something happens to us after loss, and we have very little visibility of our true thoughts. And little to no visibility of our dreams and desires. The real ones anyway. I had great visibility of my fears. My fears woke me up, and put me to bed every single day for…

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13 Comments6 Minutes

Self Care After Devastating Loss

Something catastrophic happens to our ability to care for ourselves when we go through a devastating loss. We disown our body. We detach from it. We only feel and see our heads and our heart. The physical body is forgotten. We don’t shower, dress nicely, eat well, go to the doctors, move, rest. We don’t care about it. We drag it through life as if it is not important. And I am guilty as charged.…

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5 Comments10 Minutes

You Are Not Crazy, You Are Grieving.

The moon hangs the same way, unmovable. The stars shine with the same glitter, bright. The streets stay in their strong concrete, unchanged. The sun rises, unstoppable. The birds sing, still. Life continues almost as if nothing has changed. Unless life is seen through you. Then everything is different. The moon is heavier. The stars are more obvious than before. The streets feel tougher.…

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24 Comments3 Minutes

Dare to Be Untraditional, In a Traditional World

You are not crazy, bitter or angry. This is the hardest time of the year for all of us who have lost a loved one either through death or divorce. We want to press fast forward and skip the holiday season all together. But unfortunately this is not possible. So I decided to write you this letter and help you shake things up a little. When there is happiness all around us and deep sadness inside of…

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3 Comments9 Minutes

The Energy Shifter

I wish we were taught the skill of shaking off other people’s energies when we were born. Energy cleaning should have been taught to us alongside crawling and walking. The ability to shake off other people’s negative energy is such an important skill to have. There is an invisible field we walk with. And that field interacts with everyone else’s. Keep it clean. (Click to Tweet!) What is energy? I…

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8 Comments8 Minutes

Radical Self-Care

My husband died recently; suddenly and tragically. He had a fun day, his last day: lunch with our 14 year old boy, shopping around town together, wearing torn khaki shorts and Hunter boots. He spent time pruning his vineyard, and working to upgrade our internet. It was a nice day, like many other wonderful days in my husbands’ life. In the early hours of the next morning, walking to the bathroom,…

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12 Comments12 Minutes

The Spin

About 3 weeks ago I experienced an episode of vertigo. And then another, and another. In these episodes everything spins. I have no control over my surroundings and nausea from the spinning overtakes me. While I spin, I also panic. Last week I was to speak at a big event in Seattle called Urban Campfire. Hundreds of women would be there and I was scheduled to be their opening keynote speaker.…

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30 Comments5 Minutes

The Letter to Heaven

Hubby in heaven, It will be 8 years this Monday since the day you left this world. I used to imagine how would the pain feel years from the day you left. A part of me wanted time to speed up and another part wanted time to go backwards. You left behind a train wreck. The girls wouldn't fall asleep at night without holding on to the glass picture frame of you. In the middle of the night I would…

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117 Comments7 Minutes