I stood for a moment this morning and literally felt all energy and determined action spinning around me. Life moves so quickly and the most effective way to manage it is to stop and pause. Do nothing for a moment. Dare I say, allow some magic to do its best within that moment. And by magic I mean your faith, your true power. I swear there are things in action that we have no control over and that they are there to help us.
This post is for those who are going through grief and great change in some measure. Of a job, a loved one, an animal, a home. Whatever the loss, it has its whirlwind energy that can destruct and then, if allowed, it will redesign and build.
I did not believe someone when they told me three years ago that I would feel differently, and yet here I am, six years into my own grief and I do, feel differently. For all the hard work and focus I brought to my situation, something empowered me late last year to embrace something new. For all the positive affirmations I say, the candles I light and the version of prayers I whisper, something took me by the hand and heart to lead me to the next part of my life. One that is creating new possibilities, opportunities and new love.
I remember at my hardest point, thinking how on earth does grieving arrive at healing? How do I get there? I’m here to state, that on top of all the hard work that you do, it is also important to stop and pause. We have to learn to trust, and I truly believe, this may be the hardest part of our human experience. To trust. To have faith. To believe that whatever is for our highest good will occur.
I am not ignoring the realism that life is hard and tragedy does hit. We are slammed with the tough stuff, a lot. Yet I do believe that support and comfort surrounds us. That we cry in order to arrive at hope and to see possible solutions. Sometimes the solution can only be the management of pain, and we have to accept that nothing can be perfect. I have never thought that being fulfilled and happy contains perfect. I would rather giggle through karaoke with great joy than attempt at perfect. (Apologies to all my dear amazing singer friends!) I would rather read something with a spelling mistake that makes me think and lifts my spirit than wade through a heavy book of words I do not understand. (Apologies to all my dear amazing literary friends!)
For all those out there, aching with loss, because I know it is an overwhelming pain at times, please just stop. Just for a moment. Let it be. No analyzing it. No fighting it and no adding pace to it. If your heart can feel this much weight, it can also give you the strength to move through. It needs the space and freedom to do that. No human being ever made a healthy decision through pain or anger. And this is annoying because we want to read a map with solid instructions. Step one: Take three pills a day with cider vinegar and spin round to face East once at midnight. Nope! There is no step by step manual.
I am ashamed to say there was an important part of my life, where I said regularly, “I hate my life.” I recognize now it was because I was in so much fear about what was going on, and trust me, saying I hated my life, did absolutely nothing to help that situation. Far, far from it. So if you are there, in that muddy, stuffy place where anger is constantly tap dancing on your shoulder – stop, pause. You have to. You deserve better. You’ll never figure out that algebra problem by screaming at it.
There is only one way to approach it all, and it’s the hardest, simplest, most powerful way to do anything and everything – love.
This is what I never understood, until I felt it, and I mean truly, authentically, honestly, hands all over myself felt it – that love will give you everything you need. And to get there – just stop, and give that love to you. Completely, utterly, divinely to you – I promise you, better days to follow.
Writer
Associate Director of Training
Lead Facilitator for TeamBonding & Quixote Consulting
Jayne Hannah has received training in the emotional intelligence and 5 Dysfunctions model, with a passion for effective communication and is certified to administer the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). Jayne emigrated 16 years ago to the U.S. from London, England. She has been facilitating corporate programs for over 20 years and always leads with her heart. She is a passionate writer for the stage with productions being produced across New England and a founding member of the popular Blue Cow Group in Providence, Rhode Island. Her full length stage play “Stalking” enjoyed a preview this Summer by Counter Productions. She is currently co-authoring a book with writer Linda Pestana, as they lead the way in health advocacy for care partners and patients with life altering illnesses. “Life is a privilege and each day an opportunity to explore how we may do more.” In 2012 my husband died at the age of 57 of early on set Alzheimer’s, after an 8 year illness which began with cancer. The loss of the love of my life was profound and I have reached a stage where my corporate work is now spilling into what I want to be my mission. To support, guide, inspire, perhaps, most importantly, to share and support others throughout their journey. I was lost so severely at times, and Christina’s work was invaluable. I want the loss of my David to equal something to be proud of and that his soul can help others, as he indeed helps me, every day.
