Did you know that one of the most authentic relationships of my life is with you?
I sit here every week writing exactly what I want to say.
There are no pretenses.
No adjusting my words.
I just tell you things as they are.
As the years have gone by, I understood the importance of this letter in my own life.
It is the one place each week, I can count on to be real.
I have often struggled with living inside a dishonest world.
When people say something they don’t mean, it feels like a betrayal.
It is often the seemingly harmless pretenses. ‘I love seeing you.’ Or, ‘let’s hang out together again.’ When they really don’t mean it.
I happen to believe what people say.
I am a literal person.
If you show interest, I believe that you are interested.
If you tell me you like my hair, I believe that you do.
If you make a promise, I believe you will keep it.
So when I find myself in places where pretenses are at the forefront of my experience I feel a lot of loss. We live in a play pretend world that nobody prepared us for.
I came back home last night after experiencing many new adventures, making new friends, and visiting places I had never been to.
In the last two months, I traveled to Greece to see my family.
I saw a rocket go to space up close.
I spoke at a conference where politicians, celebrities, and public figures spent three days together.
And I came back knowing that finding people outside the Matrix is rare.
You can feel connection, friendship, and meaning but 9 out of 10 times, it won’t last.
9 out of 10 times, it won’t be more than a short-term occasion that ends on the day it starts.
In the last two months, I had plenty of new connections and friendships.
I experienced such beautiful moments.
I felt excitement that I can’t even describe.
I had the time of my life.
I even felt like I belonged at times.
That I finally found my tribe.
I spent time with new girlfriends, mentors, public people, cousins, aunts and uncles, parents, dogs and cats too.
I had moments of pure joy and contentment.
I took my MFA art homework on the road.
I made book deadlines sitting at airport gates.
I met with my team no matter where I was.
I continued facilitating my classes as I was running from one place to the next.
I kept everything moving forward while searching for meaning, for new friendships and connections.
Always looking for some kind of human Nirvana.
I didn’t find it. But I did find myself.
The most trusted player of the game of my life.
I played the play-pretend game without becoming one of the pretenders.
I looked people in the eyes.
I meant everything I said.
I didn’t make promises I had no intention of keeping.
I walked inside every conversation wanting to know the other person better.
I showed up without ulterior motives.
I tried to leave everyone better than I found them.
And that has to be more than enough.
In life, you will meet groupies, pretenders and users.
But now and again as you sit inside the game, someone will come along who is not a player. In the two months of traveling, moving across the globe I may have brought home with me 2 new friends, dare I say 3.
Here’s to finding yours.
Remember they are out there, they are looking for you, just as you are looking for them.
You and I are a special kind of human.
We mean what we say, and say what we mean.
And you will always find us outside the Matrix.
Playing pretend! So true. I also trust what others say. I believe when they tell me they want to spend time with me. I believe so wholeheartedly and I find that so many people just use words with very little action! It actually puts a giant hair across my ass. Life is too damn short to be surrounded by people that can’t back up their words. Sadly it took losing my husband 3 1/2 years ago to realize that I have no time for the bullshit and I am so grateful for those relationships that I do have that are strong and honest and truthful. Thank you for sharing your wisdom… So glad you had such a wonderful adventure! XO
No time for the BS indeed
Keep staying real
Life is too damn short indeed!!
Oh, this is Awesome! Thank You for writing this for us!
Thank you for reading Brenda
Nicely said, Christina, I find the more the years trickle by the more relevant AUTHENTICITY becomes my prime directive. And the more I acknowledge that the better I’m able to go deep. Go deep with helping change, go deep with my own life’s direction, go deep for grabbing simple joy in a complex world. Ergo, you can see/feel/hear how your words hit me. Bursting at the seams with something to say I have so many projects, including an upcoming book (my first of several), that I’m having the time of my life… as long as I’m using “authenticity” – in me and in others – as my compass point. Thanks so much…looking forward to this read – Bob
“Out into the cool of the evening
Strolls the pretender
He knows that all his hopes and dreams
Begin and end there.
Say a prayer for the pretender…”
This was one of the best messages and l enjoy them all so much. lt really resonated with me. l find l can’t smile and look someone in the eye and tell them something l don’t mean. l prefer to say nothing. One thing l don’t understand what you mean about ‘inside and outside’ the matrix? Can you expand on this at all?
Thank you for your realness, your authenticity and capacity to write ‘from the heart’, so refreshing in our world of shallow glibness, closed off minds and hiding away the real self.
Jayney thank you so much for reading. Outside the matrix is the place where people are real with each other. They are not affected by superficial exchanges. There is no fake pleasantries and pretend niceness. Outside the matrix what you see is what you get. Truth.
I hope this helps J
In my 72 years on the planet I have experienced what you are speaking about and it’s been a difficult journey at times. My 30 year old son who passed was one of those people who was not a pretender and I miss him so much sometimes it’s painful. He too suffered through this 3D existence not understanding why people don’t keep their word, and have a difficult time being true to themselves, and in so doing can’t possibly be there for you. I’m sure he’s a lot happier where he is right now not under these kinds of 3D polarity existence. I dare say at this point I don’t expect much so I don’t easily get surprised any more. Perhaps that’s why we find folks who are interested in a place out of 3D and out of the Matrix of pain that we vibe with, and we are the exception. I have hope though that if I look hard enough I will find a few more out there that are waiting for me. In fact I’m sure of it.
I have always been real
Pretty much too real for most people
But I am who I am
My husband loved that about me
No trying to be anyone but myself
But it can and is a lonely life
Only he truly appreciated my realness
The biggest loss of my life
No getting around it