It was late summer, early fall in 2011.

It was about 6:00 am in the morning and there was a really big storm passing the Boston area.

Thunder and lighting could be heard throughout the night.

I was drifting in and out of sleep when all of a sudden, the room started to spin.

I tried to get up and I fell on the floor, feeling very nauseous.

The spinning was speeding up.

I started to crawl towards the bathroom.

I thought I was dying.

No, no this can’t be.

You see, two days earlier I had just signed my first book deal for Second Firsts with Hay House. My biggest dream ever.

To be a writer. It was all about to come true.

The girls were doing so well.

I was just remarried.

I was finally getting my life back.

How could this be happening to me now?

The spinning was so bad that the back of my head started to go numb.

My left arm felt as if something was squeezing it tight.

I was certain I was dying.

Scared out of my mind, I started crying.

Eric got up and took me to the hospital.

They ran MRIs, scans, and every test you can imagine.

I spent a week there.

When I left the hospital, I was given two folders.

One said ‘Vertigo’ the other said ‘stroke.’

They said they think it is possibly Vertigo but they could not rule out the stroke and that I had to take the instructions for both home.

Back at home, I was having panic attacks every night as I would fall asleep.

I was afraid that it was going to happen again.

I believe that when we are mentally and physically pushing our boundaries for growth, our bodies push back.

It was not a coincidence that I was making my biggest dream come true while being hospitalized at the same time.

Changing our reality literally requires superhuman effort, especially after loss.

I bet you have gone through similar things, worse things even.

When you were about to create a new life for yourself. You got sick.

But there is something here that is important to know.

When you are starting over and you are about to step into a new identity, the old one will try to hold you back by physically taking your down. (Click to tweet!)

In every way possible.

In the most scary ways.

It may seem like a coincidence, but it isn’t.

You are dismantling a world that had been around you for many years, it won’t go without a fight.

Big change requires an awareness that can talk to you while at a hospital bed scared out of your mind thinking that this is just your bad luck. It isn’t.

Know that it is your old identity trying to hold on while you are letting it go.

I wish someone had told me this very thing then.

So if you are reading this from a hospital room somewhere, now you know.

And get well soon dear friend. Your new life is waiting for you.

With spinningful new beginnings,

Christina

P.S. Make sure you pre-order the new Second Firsts book.

PPS. Come reenter with me at OMEGA.

PPPS. And keep going on your journeys with WHERE DID YOU GO?