Emotional pain is not all the same.

Not measured in a simple scale of easy, hard, very hard.

It has many directions.

It moves across your chest.

And then digs in as if your physical body is endless.

There is the throwing up kind of pain.

Where its movement causes you to feel nausea.

Then there is the sobbing uncontrollably type.

When that happens your whole body is crying.

I have also seen pain that is completely quiet. No nausea, no crying, nothing.

It looks like everyone you see on the train to work, or inside the cars on the highway.

I call that pain the empty pain.

I have seen the very scary pain too.

The pain of fear.

That kind of pain makes you feel like you can’t breathe.

It takes your air out of your lungs.

And you stop breathing for long periods of time.

The pain of fear gets us very close to not wanting to live.

It makes us drink alcohol. Eat junk. And self destruct.

Emotional pain then goes from an invisible non physical state to the physical.

It looks like illness. Sickness. Back pain. Headaches.

Weight gain or loss. Skin changes. And even cancer.

Then the pain of fear gets the upper hand.

And it rules all the other pain.

It shuts us down.

The pain of fear is the biggest liar of all.

In order to graduate from the non physical to the physical it has to find a way to control our mind.

Because when it does, it takes control of our bodies too.

Pain goes viral and systemic. It owns our lives.

We can’t have that.

So here is what I am going to ask you to do.

I am going to ask you to do a grief cleanse for 7 days.

Every day you grab your pen, you write about all the scary things.

Inside your stream of consciousness you will find the lies the pain of fear is telling you so it can control your mind.

Here is how you will spot them.

You will start noticing that in the midst of all the writing there is one fear that is being repeated, over and over again.

That is the code.

The code, the pain of fear is writing for you so it can take over your mind.

We will rewrite that code.

So for example, if what you are repeating over and over again is “I am afraid that nobody will love me again.” You will re write that sentence. “I look forward to the new love in my life.”

You will take the new code and add it to your written stream of consciousness when you are writing.

Even if you think it sounds like you are lying to yourself.

You are not the liar here. The pain of fear is. (Click to Tweet!)

And when we take the new code and plug it in to our life the only type of pain that remains is the pain of loss.

Which is a pain that I know we can coexist with.

I know it. You and I know how to do that and still find our way to a really good life.

So start today, write your cleanse, find the fear code, rewrite it. And live your life from there. From the person you can become with this new code.

My new code is: You are unstoppable.

What’s yours?


With code finding skills,



P.S. This week, we were able to feature new guest contributors.  Be sure to read “Keep Going” by Cyndi Francois, “Put Your Oxygen Mask Back On” by Naomi Whittel, and “What’s Next…Again…and Again” by Tracey Yeager Blackburn.

Also, please welcome back our returning guest contributor, Karina Vidal.  This week, we published part two of her article titled “A Year of Grief: Part Two“.