Tell Them Your Age

I am turning 45 years old today. And I am so cool. Ha, ha. I am so much cooler than I was when I was 40 or 35 or 30. You get the idea. Oh, my goodness how come nobody told me that you get better with age. Why is it that everyone hides their age the older they get? We have it all so wrong. Years ago when my hubby was still alive but very sick we went to a 40th birthday party. And as we sat at…

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1 Comment7 Minutes

Dear Anxiety Let’s Talk About You

It happens in your whole beingness, deep down and within every layer of your body. It pulls from inside out, and your whole world around you spins like a maze feels, when you step into it. Your life becomes fearful. Out of control. Unlikable. This feeling overrides any goodness that comes your way. It becomes the primary experience because it is a physical manifestation of your emotions. Everyone…

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0 Comments5 Minutes

Do What Will Get You Through This Holiday Season

There is no positive way to look at the holidays after loss. I really tried. I know this is not your typical self-help talk. I can give you all the positive words and ask you to do your best, but you and I know it won’t work. You know the work we do here is about realistic expectations and real help. This is not a movie where everyone ends up with someone to love during the holidays. Sometimes it…

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0 Comments6 Minutes

Say No to the Meatballs…

Imagine there is a part of you that is timeless. Completely and totally timeless. Ancient almost. Millions of years old. Now imagine this part of you lives inside your body. Inside your mind. Inside your thoughts. You have access to it as soon as you realize its existence. You have access to its wisdom, its knowing and its ability to help you review your life in a way that allows you to make all…

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Part Human, Part Something Else

“Who would I be if he hadn’t died?” I often ask myself. What would I be doing today if my life was not broken into thousands of pieces 10 years ago? A husband, a couple of kids, living this life with its normal everyday things. What if he hadn’t died? This parallel universe would not have been here. July 21st (yesterday) was the ten year anniversary since his passing. Ten whole years of a…

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7 Comments5 Minutes

The Door to the Other Side, Lives Inside of You

Some might argue that it is strange to want to explore what happens to us after we die. And their argument might be correct. It is kind of strange, but it is also kind of beautiful. To me, when someone dies and they go somewhere else, it is natural to want to know where they went. It is as if they opened a door, went inside, and it closed behind them and you cannot go there. I understand it is…

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6 Comments6 Minutes

Get Out of Your House

I wish I personally knew you. I wish we could take our dogs for a walk together. I wish I was there when your loss took place and listened to you until you had nothing more to say. Until all the invisible and visible losses were seen and validated. Until you felt strong enough to exit The Waiting room and start a new life for yourself. Until you laughed out loud a few times in a row. Until you…

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0 Comments7 Minutes

What It Means to Love Again After Loss

Nobody said anything about having to learn to love again after loss. And I mean really learn it again. Attempting to love again the way we used to before loss will never work. So, here is my attempt to articulate what it feels like to love again after you have been devastatingly heart broken. As you know I very rarely talk about romantic love after loss. The work that I am here to do has to do…

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36 Comments10 Minutes

Self Care After Devastating Loss

Something catastrophic happens to our ability to care for ourselves when we go through a devastating loss. We disown our body. We detach from it. We only feel and see our heads and our heart. The physical body is forgotten. We don’t shower, dress nicely, eat well, go to the doctors, move, rest. We don’t care about it. We drag it through life as if it is not important. And I am guilty as charged.…

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5 Comments10 Minutes

Share Your Struggles with Someone, Then Listen to Theirs.

I don’t think people like to hang out with people who are sad. Who have failed. Who have a bad week. Month. Year. Now imagine how many people want to hang out with you, if your husband left you. Your child passed. Your spouse has cancer. You lost your job. You suffer from anxiety. Not many. I am going to add another layer. You don’t have money. The chances are if you are down, poor, you lost a…

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0 Comments3 Minutes