Create A New Chosen Reality For Yourself

I am not going to lie, I am tired. Moving from one reality to another requires your brain to be going into manual gear 24/7. Nothing is familiar. Everything is new. Even when you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night you have to really wake yourself up to find it. No turn inside or outside the house is on default. Everything has to be thought through. Everything is a conscious…

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On My Way

I have been planning for this day for months and it is here. We are on our way from California to Austin, Texas with our dogs, kids and a couple of pillows for the road. We said goodbye to our home and I have to tell you it felt like I was saying goodbye to a person. A person who always provided for me. The house had this unselfish relationship with me. It always gave. And I took it all. I…

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Slowing Down Is A Prayer

Something happens when we find it in our heart to slow down. The right energy catches up with us. Maybe the saying ‘go slow to go fast’ is true. Maybe speed is not human. Maybe it’s the opposite of happiness. A synonym for darkness. Maybe learning how to go fast is easier than learning how to go slow. Lately, I realized that my slower pace produced more. It’s was like slowing everything…

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The Fast Car Called Grief

What started as a new direction towards a better every day life for myself has brought in a completely different identity. I went from driving as fast as I could go to moving almost backwards. Stopping a fast car is one of the most vulnerable and courageous things we could do. Why? Because we have to be ok with not belonging, with not fitting in with our family, friends and neighbors. Being…

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No More Dirt Roads

When someone who has climbed the biggest mountains dies, I can feel the blood in my veins take a pause. When the heart of a warrior stops beating it is felt in us all. This week Doris Day died. I hope she enjoyed her wins and her accomplishments. Because one day this life is over no matter who we are. I used to call the path to the dream a dirt road. And I truly believed it was the only way…

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The Small Bathroom Window

I changed these last few weeks. And it hurt. It felt as if my skin stretched beyond what it could. Change is like another person is trying to come through you and it is not as natural as birth. It feels wrong. Your whole body is screaming, no more change. No more walking on the edge. No more new things. Go back to the smallness of your room. Oh, how I love my bed. How I love not growing.…

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1000 Steps and Counting

No wonder nobody wants to change their life, especially the big things. They require a thousand steps minimum. I am in the midst of selling my house, and it feels like the list of things to do is never ending. Which may actually be a good thing if you think about it. You see when change happens suddenly, it is rarely a good thing. Unless of course you win the lottery. Even having a child…

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The Stand In

It feels as if all of a sudden, nothing is significant. Aside from the people in my life. When I first started to feel this feeling a few weeks ago, it worried me. This new feeling was destroying my world. It was as if I was no longer me. I stopped caring. Whether I would make a living. Have a car I like. Make others proud. Impress. Please. Be liked. Approved.…

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The Stagers

I didn’t know what to expect when two big SUVs pulled in my driveway and 4 women jumped out with bedding, towels and pillows, flowers and pictures. They all smiled at me and said we are here to get your house ready to sell. This was part of our realtor Dana's complimentary services for her home listings. They were the stagers. Universe's angel stagers They started bringing in…

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I Am Starting To Like Myself…

Sometimes I feel like I don’t have it in me. To move fast. To say much. To speak in front of others. To provide. To create. To become every day someone new. We are being asked to do so much. It feels very machinery. Robotic with an AI brain. Almost like a factory of the future. It’s tiring to be human this way. Unless of course you escape in the middle of…

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