What would it take to live the life of your choosing. 

Not of your dreams, even. 

But of your choice. 

And then, when you dare make a different choice, do you wonder if you made the right one?

What if the new choice is a choice you can’t take back. 

Something you can’t un-choose.  

I ask myself, am I living the right life?

Did I make the right choices for myself. 

For who I am. 

For the things I like and dislike. 

Lately I started observing my anxiety, intimately. 

Witnessing the moments I feel dread. 

I found myself dreading things that were easy, basic. 

Things that should not even be of any significance, like paying a bill, opening a bank account.

I found my anxiety in the most unexpected places. 

Hiding, waiting for me to show up for the task. 

That is when I asked the questions. 

What if my life choices were different, would I be feeling less anxious? 

Would it be the same? 

And if I could choose differently, what would I choose? 

Oh God, you made it this way, didn’t you? 

A puzzle. A maze. 

You made the easiest question, have the hardest answer. 

The answer to the question, what do I want is always the most difficult to answer. 

Not because we don’t know what we want, but because the brain has claimed these choices, labeling them as too risky. 

Too messy. But is it too messy to live the life of your choosing? (Click to tweet!)

Would anxiety find you there too? 

While you are brushing your teeth, walking to work, falling asleep. 

Or would it not even find you there. 

Just maybe, anxiety would lose her way to the life of your choosing. 

Thinking she would find you at the same place she always has. At the old life. 

You see, all these years she took your presence for granted. 

She thought you would never leave. 

I am thinking maybe, we could sneak out of this life for a few moments. 

Sneaking out while choosing something different for our day. 

Something that belongs to the right life. 

Whatever that may be. 

What will you choose? 

With new choices,

Christina  

P.S. This week’s Dear Life Podcast Interview is with someone who found her way to a new life after the loss of her infant daughter. Listen HERE

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