I am finally understanding why blanket statements such as grief lasts forever are hurtful.
These statements hijack the truth of what it really means to grieve.
What really happens to us when we grieve for years?
What changes in our brain?
In our immune system. In our heart.
Who do we become?
When amateurs say that grief lasts forever and how we never recover from it, they steal our growth.
They steal our potential transformation.
They steal understanding of what the real catastrophe is.
It’s not whether grief lasts forever.
I wish it was that. Only that.
Grief is actually a natural part of our human nature.
Grief is the healthy portion of what happens to us after we experience a loss.
Grief is as natural as tears. As real as love.
It is a longing, a mourning and a sadness that comes through when we miss someone from our lives.
What lasts forever is something much worse.
It’s panic. Anxiety. Stuckness. Fear.
If we let grief be unspoken. Unshared.
And we don’t bring it along with us as we re enter life we will experience a forever feeling but it won’t be grief.
It will mimic grief.
It will be hidden under dumb blanket statements.
It will confuse us.
We won’t know how to save ourselves.
We won’t know why some of us feel suicidal.
Why do we feel like we can’t breathe?
These amateur writers, teachers, speakers, professionals put it all under one blanket.
The grief blanket.
And what we are experiencing is not that.
It’s depression. Fear. Panic.
This is what can last forever.
Grief becomes something monstrous when they throw all of our feelings under one blanket.
And nobody is talking about the real monster.
We can feel sad, we can mourn, we can remember, we can cry but the other things that we feel are not grief they are the things grief leaves behind.
If a doctor, a therapist, a friend, tells you that your grief will last forever,
They are much more dangerous and they need tending to. (Click to tweet!)
They need healing.
They need to be seen for what they are.
So they don’t last forever and take our lives from us.
Don’t let them leave you in the waiting room.
It’s not grief that destroys us, it is the world of liars and illusionists that are asleep under their own blankets that were given to them by someone else.
With hope,
Christina
P.S This week’s Dear Life Podcast is about Near Death Experiences. A must listen.
I love this. I realized about a year ago while trying to explain how I felt to my friends, that the grief was getting easier to handle but the loneliness and isolation was getting harder to manage. I realized that everyone expected me to spend the rest of my life alone and I did not want that life. I was shocked how some of my friends thought that I would live alone in grief for the rest of my days. But I knew deep down that it was time for me to leave that life behind and start on Diane 2.0. Those friends who felt I should be alone and grieving were not to be listened to. They all still had their life partners and did not understand that my life is not a Nicholas Sparks novel or some tragic Hollywood Movie.
I think is is important to look at those people who think they know what is best for you and evaluate whether they should have input in where you are going or who you are becoming.
Christina, thank you for helping us see the way back to life!!