Lately I have been loving life more.
I am putting my arms around her, every second of the day.
I tell her about my feelings.
And never let go.
I haven’t felt like this since 2003.
Oh I know.
I know, it’s been a while.
It’s been since the week he was diagnosed.
I stopped loving life then.
The air was taken from my lungs.
The water out of my body.
And even though I thought I had found a way to put it back in.
There was no real air or water, just impostors.
Impostors called, work and speed with some life in the mix.
Until a few weeks ago.
I was so used to carrying the heavy things, that I forgot that I was carrying them.
I was so used to life being hard that I had forgotten that it could be easy.
It was almost as if I forgot I was alive.
And now, today, this moment, I can even feel my fingertips typing this to you.
I sense your presence reading this letter.
I am listening to the soundtrack of The Notebook.
And everything has completely slowed down.
My heart started to feel deep things again.
So here is what I learned.
Life Reentry has many levels.
The most life infused levels take a long time to get to.
It is as if I just entered a different stage of living after loss.
How does this Life Reentry look like?
It looks like I have time to take it all in again.
To stretch moments out so they feel like eternity.
To love everyone without fear of losing them.
The load fell off and is now in many pieces laying on the ground.
They had lost their significance.
They didn’t even look like they belonged to me.
The load had expired a long time ago and I did not know.
Did I lose time? Yes, I did.
Should I have dropped the load a long time ago? Yes I should have.
But..no regrets.
My long road load carrying has helped so many people along the way.
And for that I am grateful.
Now, I hope that the way I put my arms around life will also inspire you.
Help you to drop your load also, and never look back.
With life wrapped around me,
Christina
