A Valentine letter for YOU.
Your love for your partner who has moved into the next realm is everlasting, eternal.
What you shared in your time together remains and exists now in a new form.
We hear the expression, moving on – it would turn my stomach when I heard that.
You have to get on with your life I was told. That never inspired me, in fact it made me angry.
That’s like saying when a favorite movie or book ends, we just forget about it and find a new one. No, we revisit it, learning from it, finding comfort and joy in it. We talk about it, share the story and how it makes us feel. It continues to inspire us, to bring a smile. Love needs to be appreciated for all its intricate threads.
There is no getting over, or moving on from the privilege and expression of love.
There is however, a change within loss. A slow move into a knowing. It is the knowing that there is far more to this world than our skin and bones. That our souls continue to connect, even when the physical has altered.
The longing for the heart of your loved one will lead you into a connection that will support and guide you. I cannot explain it, I just feel it.
It is how I was able to continue when I had very little interest and energy in trying to live my life. I was 46 when my dearest David died, he was 57. I was exhausted, empty and alone.
The more I faced the lack of David, the further I felt from him and from myself.
The more I tried to avoid thinking about him, the more I thought about the difficulty of him dying.
So I changed it. What if I thought about what we had created together?
I focused on what I had leant from our love. What I learnt from saying goodbye to his physical being and hello to his soul.
I allowed myself to experience the sadness, the anger and the sheer confusion that grief brought into my heart. I accepted it and then I allowed the love.
I welcomed in the energy of his love, mine and ours together. I asked for his help, for guidance.
You do the same. Those that have departed know far more than we do now, so let’s communicate and use that wisdom. Ask for guidance while keeping yourself open to truly listen and watch for that strength. Listen for answers. Pay attention, because I promise you, it will happen.
Slowly I began to open, to look upward and out instead of down. I followed guidance from Second Firsts. Connected to others who are on the same path.
I found bravery and courage, and then I found hope.
The extraordinary thing happened next for me, I discovered the desire of wanting to share my heart and have now fallen in love. I fell in love with myself for the first time ever in my life, which in itself feels like a miracle. Then completely by amazement, fell in love with another open and searching heart who was also ready to be bold, brave and happy.
The only way I could have begun to create a joyous life and to have the privilege of falling in love with Gary is through the love I experience with David.
Only a person who has not lost would think – that’s good you found a replacement.
Only a person who has lost would understand that you never replace, you love in addition to and because of. There is a huge, wondrous difference and through truly understanding this, I have been able to experience the power and to receive more and more in my life.
Life and death has no ending, it is a continual flow. You are too full of love not to continue to shine and be a light for others.
For everyone who is feeling the loss on Valentine’s Day – I send you love and the hope that you are able to look up and ask for love. It is surrounding you and longing for you to say
I love you too.
Always
Jayne
© Jayne Hannah 2019
Jayne Hannah
Writer
In 2012 my husband died at the age of 57 of early on set Alzheimer’s, after an 8 year illness which began with cancer.
The loss of the love was profound and I have reached a stage now as a professional facilitator and writer where my corporate work is spilling into what I want to be my mission. To support, guide, inspire, perhaps, most importantly, to share and support others throughout their journey.
I was lost, severely at times, and Christina’s work was invaluable. I want the loss of my David to equal something to be proud of and that his soul can help others, as he indeed helps me, every day.
Jayne is currently co-authoring a book with writer Linda Pestana, as they lead the way in health advocacy for care partners and patients with life altering illnesses. “Life is a privilege and each day an opportunity to explore how we may do more.”
