A friend asked me the other day.
Do I still feel grief when I write these letters to you.
And I said yes I feel it.
But not in the way most people think.
I feel loss deeply.
But not just for one person, experience, moment.
But many.
I write from this infinite place of loss every week.
It is a treasure chest.
A place where everything lives forever.
A place where I feel ageless.
Where nobody is gone and nothing is lost.
I go and remember there.
And by remembering them, I remember myself, how I was.
Who I was.
How it felt to be me, then.
I am turning 46 tomorrow.
And as I look back I realize how lucky I have been.
To have had so much to lose.
I lost my health and found it again.
I lost friends.
I have had a couple of embarrassing moments this last year too.
Oh my let me tell you, those were tough.
But when you step on a big ladder some of the steps will be missing along the way,
and you will only find out as you are stepping on them.
I gained and lost weight. Over and over again.
I found myself and lost myself a few times.
This year I learned that I like to hide inside the space in between moments, and stay there hiding from the world for as long as I can.
I learned that writing is the only thing I have never hidden from.
And loss.
I have never hidden from it either.
I even made it into a treasure chest.
I go there when I need to choose the true things for my day ahead.
I go there to be inspired and to not be afraid of the ladder.
But most of all I go there to remember who I am.
Why I am here.
What I love. Who I love.
To get my perspective back.
To celebrate the many loves I have had.
To remember the ocean that was by my side when I was growing up.
The friends I made when I moved to a foreign country who saved my life.
My friends who saved my life after he died.
My family who loves me.
My girls who are my soulmates.
My two husbands. Up above. And down below.
And my very long and unforgettable 46 years of life.
One thing is for sure, nothing is permanent. Click To TweetNothing is ever mine.
Even the people I have now, maybe I have them for a thousand more days.
Maybe more, maybe less.
But my treasure chest lasts forever.
And is a grounding force in my life.
I hope you visit yours often too.
Even daily.
Even when you are celebrating, loving new people and having new experiences.
The treasure chest of loss belongs to us more than any other thing.
It holds together all of our lives. It is meant to stay.
And visited. Until, forever.
With birthday candles and new things to love
Christina
PS. Order the Where Did You Go? book here: https://www.amazon.com/Where-Did-You-Go-Life-Changing/dp/0062689622
