“Yes, we need to boldly go forward, but we also have to talk about the aftermath of loss.”

– Christina Rasmussen

We’re Doing Okay, Right?

I am working on a book that weaves together posts from the blog I wrote throughout his illness, with observations on how we dealt with life after his death from both my perspective and that of my oldest son. This is something I wrote describing an actual conversation I had with my son around 6 months after Andrew died. “Hey Mom, can I ask you something?” I had been looking all over the house for…

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I am the Messenger

I am a 37 year old mother of two young boys. A year and a half ago, I lost the love of my life, suddenly. Without warning, without control, without permission. My whole world changed in an instant. After crossing the finish line, hand-in-hand, of my first half marathon, my husband suffered from a massive heart attack at the age of 36. The devastation this caused was, and still is, indescribable.…

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Your Own Hero

I sat in a circle of women, hoping to grow from this grieving place. This was one of the many classes I’ve taken to gather wisdom while trying to make sense of the heartache, loss and grief.  I listened with such great intensity to all the instructors words.  You see, I was eager to find some relief and grow from this painful place.  I needed a hero, someone to come and save me from this chaotic,…

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So Many Mountains

I don’t know if you’re like me, but I have so many projects scattered throughout the house that are waiting on me. I have half-completed or almost-completed projects as well. I’ve never thought of myself as a procrastinator, but since my husband’s passing, I have found it difficult to find motivation to do things I once found so easy not long ago. I’m not exactly sure why this is. Perhaps I’m…

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Close to Death

Have you ever thought about your mortality? I don’t mean the normal “I’m going to die someday.” Everyone thinks about that from time to time. I mean actually sit down and process that you may not be here in 5 minutes. 5 days. 5 weeks. 5 months. 5 years. And because of that realization, you try and focus on what’s important in life. The things people think about, complain about, worry about and…

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Advice For New Grievers

It sucks that I know so much about grief, but I figured my knowledge may come in handy for those who just lost someone for the first time ever. I still remember life before a loss, so I know how frightening and lonely those early days, weeks, months and years are. So this is some advice I’d like to pass on to new grievers, you can take what you want this is just stuff I would’ve wanted to know…

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Firsts

We often associate firsts with our children growing up such as first smile, first time sitting up, first words, those anticipated first steps, first day of school, but when you have lost a loved one, you associate firsts differently.   Getting through the first holidays, birthdays, anniversary, etc. The first year after my husband passed away, I was faced with lots of firsts, one right…

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I Believe

I believe in love. I believe that love enriches and empowers and creates and morphs mere humans into magnificent beings. I believe that life dares us and bids us, at our best and our worst, to open our hearts to love. I believe that life challenges us, through strife and perplexity and awkwardness, to continue loving in the face of all that it throws at us. I believe that life entreats us…

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Where You Go

Theres no such thing as Heaven or Hell To me, these are stories for others to sell There is no reason There is no why God didn’t take my husband to die. If it gives you comfort, then you should believe. To me, it’s just words they feed the bereaved. What I feel to be true and what seems to make sense, is a bucket of questions just over the fence. It’s a mixture of science, darkness, and…

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Sometimes I Read All His Texts, Like Last Night.

Sometimes I read all his texts, like last night. It’s interesting because I can still hear his voice and I’m able to decipher what he means, no matter the word count. He could type stuff like a flat ‘No’ and I could still hear the inclination of his pitch while delivering the word. Something you can’t say about everybody in your life. It’s only a selected few that no matter what they say, you…

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