“Don’t let grief destroy the part of you, you need the most. “

– Christina Rasmussen

It Has to Be Easy at First

After someone we love dies we spend years in this untamed pain. We spend every waking hour tortured. We learn to survive the big, deadly waves. We get hit, over and over again. We get dragged in the water, and thrown out unconscious. Unconscious. But we are not dead. Just our mind is. Our feelings have left our body. Our heart doesn’t know what to feel with the hourly, daily impact. When the…

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Find a Flat Surface to Walk on

I don’t know when it stopped. But it finally did. The race. The climbing. The maze. The thousands of thoughts speaking all at once. The impossible obstacles. Sending the arrow out as if the target was the toughest target to hit. Living in hardship ended for me. I was no longer chasing the impossible dreams, so I could get further away from grief. I was no longer striving to change the world, so…

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Laugh Out Loud After Loss

What if I told you there is a place in your life where you get to laugh again out loud. What if, no matter where you have been, how much you have suffered and how steep the hill is ahead.. you too can have magical moments. While you are climbing. While you are in pain. While you are lost. You can find a moment where joy can sneak in. I actually remember the first laugh I experienced after loss.…

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My God

People always ask me if I believe in God. People have written to me and asked me why I didn’t include God in my book. Why I don’t mention God in my writing, how could I leave God out. I was raised as a Greek Orthodox and only knew about God through the Greek Church. Prayers were automatic. God was a part of my schooling, my neighborhood and part of the language. As I grew up and moved to…

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The Resilience Phase

I am a highly sensitive and vulnerable person, but I look like the toughest cookie you will meet. I have layers of armor around me. I have a stance, a rock solid foundation and above all many thick layers of skin. And all of this because I am easily heartbroken. I feel rejected with just a glance. Criticized with just a word. Abandoned with just one absence. But you would never know. Even the…

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Resilience Dust

“Nothing there is beyond hope, nothing that can be sworn impossible, nothing wonderful, since Zeus, father of the Olympians, made night from midday, hiding the light of the shining sun.” Archilochus (c680–645 BCE) description of a solar eclipse. Nothing there is beyond hope, nothing there is impossible. It never has been. It never will be. You and me, and the world will see sorrow, pain and we…

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To Be like a Kid Again

The lingering haze does not take away the endless visibility of NASA’s horizon, as I entered the gates last night. It is more like an intense unused feeling you experience for the first time, as soon as you arrive here. There seems to be this additional layer of reality that rests on the blank space around you. I searched for the stars above the Kennedy Space Center’s two lane roads and when I…

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I Want to Talk About the Weather

It has felt that grief has haunted my soul over the last ten years. And maybe not in the way you would think. I feel like there is no place to rest my spirit. There is no place to just be. There is no place to just giggle. There is no place to put my soul, without creating depth and analyzing every aspect of life. There is no place to be like I was before loss. Remember the times you used to be…

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Finding the Funny

Finding the Funny Inside the Pain

The first time I made the connection between comedy and pain, was just after September 11, 2001. Weeks before, I had taken my first-ever course in stand-up comedy, at Caroline’s Comedy Club in NYC. It was an eight week class, and at the end of it, we got up in front of a live audience, and delivered our comedy sets in a real live show. The place was packed. My jokes killed, as we say in the…

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The Aftermath

The Aftermath

After my husband died the next decade of my life was nothing like I would expect it to be. Yes it was tragic, sad and difficult. But there were other difficult things that took place alongside devastation. Nobody has ever been able to describe the aftermath in words that capture the reality of it. It has been close to 9 years since his passing and I am still finding out what happened to me. To be…

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