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Who is that women in the mirror

Who is that women in the mirror? I think I know her.  Yes I do.  It’s me.  The women whose husband died.  Yes, he died.  He left me.  Left me to pick up the pieces.  One by one.  Day by Day.  Week by Week.  Month by Month.  Year by Year. I see the pain in her face.  It’s in the lines around her eyes, it’s in the lines around her mouth.  She is hollow.  She doesn’t see.  She only see emptiness.…

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When Grief Derails You

Definition of Derail by Merriam-Webster Define derail: to cause to run off the rails; to obstruct the progress of: frustrate; to upset the stability or composure of — Define Derail at Dictionary.com To cause (a train, streetcar, etc.) to run off the rails of a track. 2. to cause to fail or become deflected from a purpose; reduce or delay the chances for success or development of: Most of us…

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A New Decade But The Same Grief

When you’re little you can’t grasp how big the world really is. Or for that matter how small. You have your day to day life. Playing with toys, eating snacks, running around in the backyard. There’s nothing that really grasps you to the earth. You are completely free. To be who you want. A magical creature from the blue lagoon, Barbie’s new best friend or an Olympic athlete. But what you can’t…

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Be Your Brother’s Keeper

This is a blog post and excerpt from my book, Life Lessons from Dad: 101 Ways to Get More From Life (From Someone Who Loves You). The book is literally written to my children (Mandy, Aly, and The Amazing Alec) to be a sort of ‘handbook for life,’ for them as they become adults. It covers lessons on the Heart, Mind, Body, and Soul--and a broad range of life situations from loving yourself and…

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Mourning Dew

Expanding essence, settling spirit, vibrating vitality –a trilogy of wellness. Even with these truths aboard, sadness sometimes seeps to the surface, quietly gathers for acknowledgment. For it is also true, real, and right. Like morning dew on leaves and grasses, stale sorrows bead and adhere until a being notices, allows them to vaporize or entwine with restoration and revival. Mourning dew,…

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The Power of Unspoken Messages

How many of us stop to consider what it means to listen? Yet, at some time in our lives each of us will have experienced that universal sense of knowing we have been heard and understood. I first experienced this knowing in childhood. My grandfather, fifty years my senior and survivor of WWII, was the person I trusted with my innermost thoughts, feelings, dreams and fears. Like most people I…

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The Grief Cleanse

In a room filled with family and friends, I felt so alone.  Actually, I felt completely invisible. For me to not only be aware and then to actually articulate this feeling is such a big step in my grief journey.  I have experienced anticipatory grief for months leading up to this day.  I knew this day would be filled with emotion.  This landmark is a monumental passage for all mothers. The day…

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My Evening With A Wolf Spider

You know when your life changes forever, at least for me, the only thing I could think about was, “what am I going to do without my husband?” I couldn’t think much further than that. I was in a type of shock that I had never experienced before. I felt like I was in an endless fog that would never lift. When it hit me how much there was to take care of, it was absolutely overwhelming. Of course I…

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Rooted and Gentle Sadness

Here I am, all these years since you died on that heart wrenching spring day, and I miss you. Though the ache is less potent, I have a rooted and gentle sadness. I’m so grateful that our lives came together by the shores of Saddleback Lake, that you had the patience to wait for me to understand how to accept your unconditional love. I wish you could be standing with me, hand in hand, to witness…

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My Wednesdays Are Better Now

Wednesdays became my least favorite day 11 years ago today. This is the first year, May 9th fell on a Wednesday. I hated that day. It was the day that Joe left me and the world stopped turning. Your life changes so much when you lose a spouse. Yes, everyone grieves his loss but my entire life changed that day. I had to grieve losing him but also me. No longer a wife, a widow. No longer a partner,…

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