I have been seeing a therapist lately.  We are trying to figure out how the heck did I change so much since the loss of my husband. Sometimes I wonder, did someone come in and replace me?  I know it sounds crazy and of course nobody replaced me but it feels like someone else is here, certainly not the woman before.  But here is what…

I posted a video about the Life Reentry class on facebook the other day and a woman commented under it, why don’t you put some makeup on Christina? At first, I responded casually.  I did have some makeup on, but it's been a long day of zoom calls and work.  And then I started thinking about it.  Hmmm. Did I not look good?  Am I…

It was not like any other day.  Something was in the air.  A heaviness, with no name.  A knowing. A goodbye.  An Ending. A full stop.  And it was known.  Nothing could prevent it. Nothing at all.  It was coming. Like all endings do.  The Ending arrived quietly. Almost like a whisper.  “I am here, and I need to end this.” It murmured.  “But why…

I have been trying to write you this letter all day long.  I have so much to tell you that my thoughts are competing for their spot. I have had a hard week.  For many reasons.  And I know you had one too.  I feel like I am inside a maze. Lost.  But here is what I am really struggling with.  There is one path…

Before Bjarne passed I used to be very social.  Big dinner parties at my house.  Hanging out with many friends.  Phone calls for lengthy conversations.  I always had friends to talk to.  But after the devastation of losing him I experienced what I called a duality.  My inner world changed so dramatically and my outer world could no longer match it.  The difference between what…

Sometimes you have to grow up in one afternoon.  Maybe in an hour. 5 minutes, even.  I wonder why we are not given longer. Why does it have to be almost instant.  On the spot. Nailing us to the wall.  What am I talking about?  Conversations, interactions, experiences that were unexpected and gruesome.  Someone saying something to you that hurt like crazy.  Something happening at…