Most Recent Letters

BlogContributorsThe First Year

Living With Trauma

Many days I wake up with a lot of anxiety. I keep re-living that day, the day I found him. When we broke in, he was in bed. He lived in a studio apartment, so he only had to turn his head to see who was at the door. He saw me but turned around again. I didn’t know what was wrong, but I felt…
Guest Author
March 15, 2018
The First YearBlogContributors

Quarters, Dreams, and Chapstick

Here’s a Riddle: What are you left with when your husband drops dead; and there is no warning, no will, no money, nothing you owned, no children, no “estate”, and nothing of monetary value in the crappy little New Jersey apartment you rented together for 7 years? Answer: A bottle of guitar polish, some old chapstick, and a book of dumb State Quarters. I said it…
Guest Author
March 14, 2018
BlogContributorsThe First Year

The Earthquake Stopped…

I think visually, I do not know when I noticed that I think in images, but I do.  Things click for me when I can see them in my mind. My husband, Brian, passed away on January, 21, 2017 from heart failure.  He never liked going to wakes and funerals.  I grew up going to them and feeling like it was part of life and seeing the person in the…
Guest Author
March 13, 2018
The First YearBlogContributors

The Lazarus Within

There exists within you a vast power. It often goes unnoticed, hiding in plain sight. In times of great pain, it’s especially stealthy, camouflaged by your agony and the disparaging lies of the enemy. But it’s in those times of great pain that the power is most vast, and most important.  It’s crucial to your healing. And indeed to your very survival. Yes, this power…
Guest Author
March 12, 2018
BlogMessage In A Bottle

Find the Code

Emotional pain is not all the same. Not measured in a simple scale of easy, hard, very hard. It has many directions. It moves across your chest. And then digs in as if your physical body is endless. There is the throwing up kind of pain. Where its movement causes you to feel nausea. Then there is the sobbing uncontrollably type. When that happens your…
Christina
March 9, 2018
BlogContributorsThe First Year

A Year of Grief, Part Two

Part Two:   I flew back to New York, went to work and got back into the routine. January was a blur since I was still running on that vacation high, but it wore off, and suddenly it was February again. It was very f***ing real, his death, at the beginning of February. I started feeling that he is not coming back, regardless of how…
Guest Author
March 8, 2018
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