I have to be honest and say this.
After my loss I listened to the wrong people…the people who had no clue how it is to go through loss at a very young age.
But there was nobody around who had gone through something so devastating.
I was surrounded by young, happy families who talked about play dates, birthday parties and buying new homes.
I wish I knew then what I know now.
Talk to people who get it.
I know this sounds very direct but listening to someone who does not know the depths of grief is like taking a wrong turn on the most important highway.
The highway of life after loss.
This is the most important road of your life.
No other time has been more significant.
And if you are being advised by the wrong people you will end up in the wrong place.
Being in the wrong place while you are grieving is like living your worst nightmare. (Click to Tweet!)
I am using strong words as I want this letter to help you focus on the decisions that will help you mend your broken heart and rebuild your life.
First of all the only people who have important insights are people who have experienced a similar type of loss in their past.
The second part of this sentence is actually even more important.
You don’t just want people who are going through it but people who have gone through it.
They have wisdom that will be life changing for you.
How do you find these people?
I put together some resources that you can access from anywhere in the world.
Please spend some time clicking on these links and checking them out.
No matter where you are in your journey please know that your healing, your decisions and your future will be better off if you surround yourself with people who have been where you are.
Do not take this lightly.
I would absolutely stay away from any resource that is centered only around grief and not focused on the life ahead.
One of the things that has been the hardest to change during this journey is the old ways of how we deal with grief.
The internet is full of places where the focus is on the story, on the sadness and not on tools that can help you build a new life and identity.
So…here are some of my favorite places to find others walking the same path:
3. http://www.ellentv.com (I believe laughter is very healing)
6. www.thelifestarters.com (I am biased on this one 🙂 )
Please remember you are not alone and now more than ever the world of loss is connected with millions of people walking the same path as you.
I don’t see http://www.griefshare.org in your list. May I ask for your opinion on GriefShare?
I value your opinion and I greatly appreciate your work.
I totally agree with your wise words. I also need my hurt, emotional pain to be acknowledged. I’d choose your suggestions as they are the place to land. I also remember how deep the wound went when nobody respected the enormity of my loss. Loss as you always point out happens in many ways and loss of health I’m living with weighs a lot. when I feel down I need to quietly lick my wounds and blogs and books that appreciate the misery make me ready for your courageous messages. twisted mind? maybe …
I don’t know what I would have done without my local Griefshare group. See if they offer a class in your area. It is Christian based, so that may deter some but their advice and help during grief was immeasurable!