You are strange.

A loner.

A doer.

An insane soul.

A person of compassion.

A person of unlimited passion.

A drifter.

You become all of the above after loss. Any kind of loss.

This new person is no longer someone who can fit in.

You can almost hear what people think.

And it is not so easy to hear it.

Grief makes us not just sad and lonely but strange.

So strange that at first we reject ourselves over and over again, because we no longer fit in where we used to.

So we keep trying.

We keep longing to be the same as everyone else.

Your grief makes you appear strange to others but the truth is that you only seem strange to them because they didn’t change with you.

It is like you wore the same color clothes as everyone around you, and one day you walked in wearing orange. Of course they will think you are strange.

Now the key is not to stop everyone else from seeing you as strange but to go find your new tribe. @SecondFirsts (Click to Tweet!)

Yes there are others like you out there feeling strange and alone. They need to find you.

Here is where you start the journey:

  1. Start speaking differently, be very mindful of the words you use. The old vocabulary comes from a pattern, an automatic response from years of living the same life. Now that your life changed you need to find the words for this life.
  2. Look at the way you dress. Ask this question: Is this really who I am now? Go find something to wear that you would never wear before. Wear it and have a day in this new life you are creating. See the type of people you are attracting when you use new words and wear a different outfit. I know it sounds simple, but change is not complicated.
  3. Find a hobby, a new passion that in your old life you could never imagine yourself doing. But you secretly admired the people who did. What is that new hobby? For me, it was learning how to fly. Seeing myself as a pilot one day made me see my life from a very different vantage point. Get bold with this. I promise you, you won’t break.
  4. Join a ‘meet up’ group with people who have the same hobby, the same passion. Go there with the new identity and give it a try.
  5. Facebook and social media are good places to find people who resemble your new life. I guess this is how we met. I promise you there are many people out there who would love the new you. Strike an online conversation with someone in a new Facebook group. It is no longer weird to talk to strangers online. Of course be careful and use common sense, but most of the friends I have today I met online. Geography might be a problem but the connection takes place regardless of how far away you live from the new friend.
  6. This step is for the bold ones. Plan a move. Pick a place on the map and go there. I have met many people who moved after their loss, and it was the best thing they could have done. Don’t dismiss this one quickly. Be open to the thought of relocating.
  7. And finally, trust the new self that is emerging to recognize the new inner circle. You don’t need validation from your old friends to know you are on the right track. They don’t know what’s right for you anymore. Unfortunately the beginning of this journey is lonely, you are a nomad on your way to finding your new family of friends. A lonely journey to start with but a journey that will change your life forever.

With love,


Grab the book on your way to your new inner circle.