I have been on many epic life fights.
When I was 18 years old I moved to a foreign country and fought to get admitted in an Ivy League school in a second language.
The fight was never fair to begin with.
I had just moved to England, I could barely speak any English and I had to compete with all the people who were born to speak and write in English.
But that did not stop me.
I did not use it as an excuse to not go for it.
I remember I studied for exactly 13 hours every day not including the breaks.
When the results came in, I remember I got the call and I got in to the #3 University in England in full scholarship.
My brain could not believe it.
It was an epic fight.
Never expecting to make it to the top.
I had detached from the result.
It had become about the day to day fight.
The amount of hours.
The learning.
And endurance to keep going.
When my husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer and was given 6 month to live, we went into the biggest battle of our lives.
During those years we were told over and over again…he won’t make it.
It’s too late.
It’s terminal.
But we did not stop.
We fought every day.
We hoped every day.
We tried everything including traditional, non traditional and not so conventional treatments.
In the end we knew we had tried everything.
The day he died.
I knew he knew we tried everything.
And if we had to do it over again knowing the end result we would have fought that same fight.
There have been other epic fights…too many for one blog.
But there is one fight that I am in today…that you will get to witness.
As a new author, someone with no big connections, money or big invitations to be on big stages…
I am walking in to this as a warrior.
Deactivating all the possible stories inside my head…telling me what are the chances of making this book a #1 book.
You won’t have the exposure.
You don’t have the big stage.
But it’s not about that.
Its about the mission.
Fighting this fight without attachment to anything…apart from the beautiful thought of you reading my book and having the tools to change your life.
You see my dear friend, deciding to fight for something you want has nothing to do with what you think you will get in the end.
It has nothing to do with the result.
It has to do with your character.
It has to do with the passion that lives in your heart.
I must say I have quite a negative reaction to people who tell me all the reasons they cannot do something.
Fighting the fight has nothing to do with the obstacles that are ahead.
It has to do with who you are.
And if the stars align and hard work meets opportunity then that’s the cherry on top.
When I look back and think of the cancer journey, the single working mom journey, the book journey and the grief journey it is during the fight that I lived fully.
So if you have already decided not to fight for what you want because the chances are you won’t get it…please rethink the decision.
Unless that’s who you are…and passion does not live in your blood.
I am not interested in the reasons why you can’t do it.
I am really not.
Just the reasons why you will do it.
What drives passion in your veins.
And what fight you are fighting because of that passion.
With fight,
Christina
PS. Pre order my book and join me in the fight to mend millions of broken hearts and raise the bar of life after loss.
This is such an amazing composition, and just perfect for right now.
It reminds me a bit of how a friend I’ve not seen in a couple of years used to keep going on and on about “Fighting the good fight”. Since he was kinda a pig headed guy, I didn’t take him very seriously. And, especially when we’d argue on this subject, and I would point out HOW MANY TIMES I’d “fought the good fight”, and ended up worse off than before, financially, emotionally, spiritually, and in relationships, I kept asking “What’s the point? It seems things are just going to happen the way they happen anyway….and nothing I do makes one IOTA of difference. All I do is destroy my health and my spirit in the process, while alienating people.” So, yes…. at the same time, today’s “message in a bottle” is inspiring, thought-provoking, and yet rubs salt in old wounds. A test of my “character”? My Character is very TIRED. There needs to be SOME ray of hope, some light at the end of the tunnel, some validation that I even matter at ALL.
I hope no one minds if I share just a little story from childhood. I’ve wanted to ride a horse since I could say the word. Without going into all the long, drawn-out tales (since it all makes me tired to think about, so usually, I don’t)…. On the advice of doctors and therapists it was advised that I get to DO that! (I have physical disabilities) And, there has been a horse in my life, because of that, since I was 12. (I’m almost 40) One horse has passed on while I was waiting, and this one is getting up there in years, too. I was never permitted to ride. I’ve Fought. I’ve yelled. I’ve begged. I’ve cried. I’ve bargained. I’ve tried to get sneaky about it. NOTHING has ever worked, and so that carrot has been dangling there for over a quarter of a century, and I’ve NEVER been allowed to ride. This is just ONE issue, and there are countless more. What do you DO when you are locked in a cage, screamed at, used and manipulated, guilt-tripped, shown reasons why I should be grateful (glad they were able to get a horse at ALL)…. while I’m left to ask, “If I’m never allowed to ride the horse, drive the car, leave the house, paint the painting, marry the man, live my life”… then what IS the point?
This is why I’m so glad to be a part of this program…. as I pray that, by the end of it, there will BE a reason to keep on trying. Because 100% failure just does not give me the incentive to do ANYTHING anymore.
Thanks so much for sharing Erin!
Christina,
I love this post! It brought a tear to my eye. I think when we don’t get what we think we want, there’s something better out there for us. But when we do get CLEAR on what it is that will make us happy, then we become like a woodpecker. A woodpecker doesn’t peck a tree ONCE. No. A woodpecker knows that it takes a whole series of tiny pecks to get what it wants. A woodpecker (unlike most people) doesn’t peck once, and with that failed effort, declare the mission over. Instead, he knows that ongoing effort is required. It’s persistence over time that rewards us whatever it is we’re seeking. Sometimes we need to try a different tree with softer wood, or we need to change the angle of our pecking, but we don’t stop pecking. This brings me to … lunges. Today on my walk (when I saw a woodpecker) I thought about how it would be nice if, on one fine day such as today, I could do one single lunge and my legs would be toned and strong for the rest of my life. But the fact is, 3 sets of 30 lunges every day keep my legs toned and strong. It’s actually not much effort and it doesn’t take much time, and while it kind of sucks right in the middle of it, I feel GREAT when I’m done — much better than if I’d never done any lunges! So all this to say, it’s rewarding to be the woodpecker while you seek bliss. The surprising thing is, while it might suck while you’re pecking, you’ll feel GREAT, better than if you stopped at one peck.
I so love the woodpecker metaphor!! WOW.